The Forgotten

Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning sweating and crying. The nightmares were back. I realized what happened, I realized I would never be able to see my sisters smiling face again, and it brought tears to my eyes. I didn't even try to hold them in, I let it out, I desperately needed to. I can't live like this. I'm done. Obviously my dreams were telling me this was going to happen. I'm going to kill myself. The only thing I feel bad about is my mom. Losing two kids in one week, I can't do that to her.

I couldn't help but wonder why Sarah died though, she was on chemo. She seemed fine the day before. What could've happened? Was it something else? Was it worse then they originally thought? Whatever it was, I don't believe it was her time, it couldn't have been! She was 12 years old! Why couldn't it have been me instead? She enjoyed life so much more then I ever did, WHY COULDNT IT HAVE JUST BEEN ME!?

I didn't even think about going to school, it was Friday anyway. And Amy would cover for me. I didn't plan on getting out of bed. I wanted to kill myself now, so badly. Maybe I could just tough it out for a couple day and see what happens. But I couldn't just lay here and feel sad. There was a pair of scissors on my dresser, sharp ones. I slowly walked over and picked them up. "One small cut" I whispered to myself. I sat on my bed with the scissors. Opened them up and felt the sharp sides. I slowly dragged it across my forearm, as soon as I saw the blood and felt the pain I pulled it away. But it kind of felt nice for me to release my pain by doing this. "Just one more" I said. Below it I cut one more time, it was bigger and bled more then the first. I sat the scissors down and just looked at the blood dripping down my forearm. I began to tear up. Sarah wouldn't want me to do this. I ran into the bathroom, hoping my mom would not see. But I doubted she would be leaving her room any time soon. I washed off my arm, but the second cut wouldn't stop bleeding. I put a bandage on it and put a sweater on so no one would see.

I decided there was nothing for me to do, I couldn't sleep because of the dreams, I couldn't watch tv or do anything i might enjoy. So I put on some music and just cried.