window thoughts | kk ; kt

3am

3am

oh, i forgot to mention,
i almost punched the new setter? it happened a few days ago but it hasn't really been in my mind recently 'till it popped up again.

before you get mad at me, let me explain.

so we were practicing and i told him to give me a high toss, but not too high, if that makes sense.
he gave me one that was a little low, and i barley hit it. i was totally fine with it
— he was still a little new and he needed time to practice more.

but the moment i said it was fine he stared at the gym floor whispering,
"better than your dead cow in hell."

kozume, what'd you expect me to do? yell at him? scream at him? punch him, murder him? you know i would, especially the last one. i'd do all that (and i did except the fourth one, sadly) just for you.
only for you.

as i swung my fist in the air, lev caught it while yaku pinned me down.

i know i'm not qualified to be the captain of nekoma anymore.
i'm really sorry i messed up.

it's just i miss you, more than anyone else in this world.

whether i'm 17, 35, or 82, losing the love of your life will haunt and hurt you for a lifetime.

i can't live a lifetime without you kenma, you know i'm weak without you.

you'll see me in the morning pudding. i promise you.

and don't get mad at me when you see me.
i don't want to see you angry because i wanted to hold you again.
and if you do get mad, be mad in my arms, rather than be mad at me from miles and miles apart.

kenma, you know i love you and i will do anything for you.

because,

if you're gonna be the death of me,
that's how i want to go.

-

a;n-
as i edited this & read the last line i had to keep it okay