50 Ways to Love Your Lever: A Comprehensive Guide

1-16 Ways to Love Your Lever

     1) Look up the definition of a "lever." This will help you appreciate your lever and understand its wants and needs.
     2) Browse your selection of levers. There are many levers to choose from. They can be silver, black, or Paul Simon'd.
    3) Decide which kind of lever is right for you and your schedule. Levers have needs and must be cared for properly. Read reviews and listen to what each lever has to say to you. I reccommend Paul Simon'd levers, though these require the most care and maintenance. They are self-conscious about how small they are and need time to write their poetry and songs. I will include more detailed chapters about each type of lever.
     4) Slip out the back, Jack.
     5) Research the lever you have chosen extensively. Levers require the most time put into them and vary greatly depending on which one you get.
     6) Make a new plan, Stan.
     7) Listen to 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. Paul Simon wrote this song about his lever when he wasn't sure he could care for it anymore. Thankfully, through Lever Care Services, he was blackmailed into keeping his lever rather than heartlessly throwing it out into the streets to fend for itself.
     8) After you research your selected lever, make sure this is really the lever you are going to care for and love for the rest of your life.
     9) You don't need to be coy, Roy.
     10) Find lever breeders. They are very rare but can be found through Lever Care Services' website.
     11) It is always a good idea to get a purebred lever, though it is not looked down upon to get a black and silver mixed lever.
     12) DO NOT GET A BLACK, SILVER, AND PAUL SIMON'D MIXED LEVER. THESE ARE DANGEROUS AND YOU SHOULD CALL THE POLICE AND/OR LEVER CARE SERVICES IMMEDIATELY IF YOU SEE OR EXPERIENCE ONE.
     13) If during your research for your selected lever you didn't find what kind of bedding, food, and water your lever prefers, look this up now.
     14) Buy your lever's bedding, food, and water according to what it prefers.
     15) Just get yourself free.
     16) Make a space for your lever at home. They need a decent amount of space so they don't feel crowded. Levers are claustrophobic. Make sure there are one or more windows visible in your lever's space.