35) oooooooh, down the toad I go
36) Now is the time go adorpt your lever. Go steal it from your chosen lever breeder. Leave the money in the tree. The fogerty flies at midnight on his spoon.
37) Your lever will be scared on the way home, so blast Creedence Clearwater Revival. Levers can tell John's accent is fake unlike incompetent humans, but they appreciate the effort. It reminds them of their home in the bayous of northern California.
38) Paul Simon'd levers will be hostile on the ride home. Don't worry, they're too small to hurt you. If they scare you at all, disguise yourself as Art Garfunkel. Depending on the lever's mood, it may either instantly love you or want to kill you. Take your chances if you want.
39) When you get home, scream and throw your lever on the ground.
40) Ship Torksmith and Jolenz.
41) Have a welcoming party for your lever including watching every Minkees episode and Head and TV specials and Elephant Parts and by the time that's over you'll want to cry and question your life. This is a great way to bond with your leve.lr
42) won't you take a ride on the flyin' spoon doo doo doo (this is about drigs john fogerty js a liar)
43) move to the bayous of northern california.
44) what the heack is Run Through the Jungle about war
45) Have a birthday party for your leger. Get bored halfway through and go to Texas for a burger. Veggie burger tho because they're so much better I promise.
46) j j j j just
47) cosmo's factory more like frodis factory
48) hA that was a good one Beth
49) thanks Beth
50) just don't be stupid and abuse your lever okay because levers a re living things and they have souls and feelings and they can feel pain like oh my god
YOU ARE READING
50 Ways to Love Your Lever: A Comprehensive Guide
Humor"Lever" pronounced "lee-ver" Note: Paul Simon'd lever not to scale. Pictured much larger than actual lever.
