twenty one pilots | imagines

tyler // self hatred

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warnings!! mentions of self harm, blood, mentions of suicide

   Razor in hand, tears streaming down my face. It'd be best to just end it all.
'I'm worthless.'
'I can't do anything.'
'I'm fat.'
'I'm ugly.'
Those were things that often crossed my mind.

   I don't know how I have such an amazing boyfriend. The only reason I'm still living. I bet he doesn't love me. I bet he hates me. He helps me out of pity. He "loves" me out of pity.

   I glide the razor across my wrist. Another time. Again. Again. And again. I'm crying even harder than ever.
'Keep going, do it more, kill yourself.' I thought.

  Suddenly the door opened. "Y/N?" I hear coming from downstairs. Shit. It's Tyler. I ran to the bathroom and washed my arm off. "H-hold on!" I yell downstairs. He might've been able to tell I was crying by the way my voice sounded.

   I blew my nose and wiped my eyes. "Y/N, what's taking so long?" Tyler says, seemingly worried. "I said hold on!" I tell again cleaning up the blood that had dropped on the bathroom floor.

   "I'm coming up." He said making his way upstairs. My arm isn't wrapped up. I shut the bathroom door and lock it trying to find some gauze or anything to wrap my arm up. It was too late, Ty was knocking on the bathroom door. "Baby please open up I know somethings wrong..."

   After that, I broke down crying and unlocked the door. "Tyler please.." I cried for him. I needed him. "I'm so sorry.." I said showing him my arm.

   "Y/N, why? Why why why? You don't deserve this. You deserve to be happy." He said, going through all of my drawers in my bathroom and eventually finding something to wrap my arm up with.

   "I just hate myself so much.. I don't deserve to live. I'm so stupid I should've just ended it." I cry out again. I wince as he cleans the blood off again and pats my arm dry, then wrapping it up. "I'm so sorry Tyler. You deserve way better."

   He sighed and picked me up bridal style and carried me to my bed. He laid down beside me and held me close. "Baby, I need you. I love you so much.  You're my everything. If you would've ended it I would've too. Please stay alive Y/N. I'm ALWAYS here for you." Tyler kissed me softly on the lips and I fell asleep in his arms.

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