The Hood Diaries

Chapter 13: That One Moment

I sit in my car, parked in the drive way, and cry nonstop for about 2 hours. Ca'tye was my first love, my first piece of happiness and letting him go is going to be one of the hardest things I ever have to do but I have to do it. I love him so much and he's the only one who truly understands what I'm going through, as I'm going through it. But being told your the reason someone's life is ruined, is also hard, and hard to come back from.

I grab my phone and pull up his contact, I stare at his picture and I want to hit the call button so bad, but I resist the urge and go inside.

I lay in my bed thinking about my brother; my one job was to protect him and I couldn't do that. I couldn't even protect him from our mother. More tears start to run down my cheek, but this time, from anger. I have to get Reginay back, before that evil woman gets to her too.

Before long Chres and his final moments pass through my mind. I start to wonder how he must of felt right before pulling the trigger, how alone he must have felt and at that moment, after about 2 months of feeling numb, I feel my heart open up a little, and with it a ton of emotions. How could I let him do something like that? Why did I not just hear him out instead of telling him to end his life? What kind of person does that? What kind of person tells their childhood bestfriend, that the world would be a better place if they weren't in it? What kind of person had I become? Suddenly I feel sick to my stomach with guilt. I run to the bathroom and start throwing up. I dry heave a couple of times before wiping my mouth and going to bed.

*Dream Realm

I'm sitting on the Rocky shore, with the breeze brushing past my skin. The calm was short lived by the disembodied voice of Ca'tye. I could hear him with every gust of wind, but I could not see him.

"I thought you loved me?" He says

"I do." I reply. I stand up and look for where the voice is coming from but to no avail.

"Then how can you abandon me like that? You were the last person I had and you left."

"I'm doing it to protect you."

"How is that protecting him?" the voice of Abuela chimes in.

"He blames me for what happened. Sooner or later he's going to hate me for it and that is going to hurt more."

"So your doing this for you. Not him. You promised me you'd be there for him, that you'd help take care of him, now that he's alone."

"This is me doing that."

"No this is you being a coward, you did it with your brother and sister and now your doing it to him. When life gets hard you run away and call it helping."

"I didn't run away! I tried to protect them!"

"No, you pretended you were. You blinded yourself from reality. Did you ever contact a lawyer? Did you ever get that second job? We're you really going to go to court or was it something you were just telling yourself you were going to do? While you were living your life, your brother was dying! You didn't care about them and you don't care about my nieto."

"I do care! I love him! And I love them!"

"Oh this is you caring for him? Do you know where he sleeps? Do you know what he's feeling? Do you know if he's doing okay? If he's lonely? For someone who cares you have an odd way of showing it. They all depended on you to love and care for them and you failed!"

"Okay I get it! I get it!" I yell as I cover my ears

The wind slows down and I feel a sense of calmness again. She was right, I let everyone down. They needed me and Ca'tye needs me right now and to be honest I need him too.