The Adventures of Elaine - The Family Picnic

The Butter

Once the overall fury had been diminished, Stacy locked herself in the bathroom for an hour to get ready. This caused a long line of complaints from outside the bathroom, but they soon gave up on their hopes for showers and toothbrushes. Mum was still recovering from the attack of the kraken while Elaine cleaned up the damage in her and her sister's room. So far, the losses had been a lamp which had been thrown against the wall, the alarm clock which had been thrown on the floor and an encyclopaedia which had evidently been used as a shield by mum.

Dad slumped into the kitchen. He had no idea what anyone wanted in their sandwiches. He also had no idea how to get the butter knife to cooperate. He followed the twins' instructions to cut the bread into triangles first and then butter them, but the darn butter just kept flying everywhere like a lost bird in a parking lot. Eventually the knife was stuck in the frozen butter and dad was left with only one option; put the butter in the microwave. That in itself may have worked, but the mistake he made was to put the knife in there as well. The butter and knife spun around on the plate for awhile, until abruptly the knife flared up in flames.

Dad panicked. He screamed, pressed a few buttons, screamed some more and dashed for the broom in the corner of the kitchen. He whacked the microwave three times; it had started to produce a thick, foul smelling smoke. Then it exploded. The kitchen was black with ash, the microwave crumpled sadly on the counter; but there, on the plate, was the butter, just melted enough to spread onto sandwiches.

Mum walked into the kitchen, took one look at the mess, and turned to glare at dad.

"What happened?" she asked, quivering with anger.

"Well, sandwiches are quite hard to make" he said, in turn quivering with fear, still holding the broom which was now slightly blackened at the end.

"Look at the microwave!" she turned to stare at it as though it may pounce on her any second. "You don't even need a microwave to make a sandwich!"

"Don't worry dear, I'll clean it up!" he said, swinging the broom back and forth on the floor.

"No, don't do that," she sighed, "we can clean it up later, just finish the sandwiches."

And with that, she left the room.