AND A THIRD MAKES IT EVEN (An Alex Turner Fanfiction)

Chapter 7- And All Those Once Lost Concoctions Froth

When Zia came to the second time, she felt tremendously drained and weighed. She wasn't very sore but knew that in a few hours she would feel like she had run a marathon or swam the Channel. She'll definitely pay for the acrobatics they'd all pulled earlier. A warmth spread through her being thinking about earlier, making her tingle pleasantly to the very tips of her extremities. She sighed in contentment and snuggled closer to Alex who gathered her closer yet, still fast asleep. Sex was usually nice, but the intimacy that came after was what made it special. It wasn't something easily found with everyone. And with these two men, it was all the more special. Zia knew she had never cherished anything as much. With them, she just felt at home.

At home. That was it. She felt at home with them. She felt a moment of blissful joy at this 'morning after' epiphany, before all the warmth of her previous thoughts turned into ice as the true meaning of what this could be slammed upon her. Zia felt a horrible dread settle in her gut. She carefully disengaged herself from their arms so as not to wake them, and then quickly scrambled out of bed. She remembered there'd been bathrobes in the bathroom. Softly opening the bathroom door she quickly grabbed one and shrugged it on. Before she could berate herself for it or change her mind, she also grabbed a cigarette from one of the packs lying on the bedside table and stalked out of the room.

The sitting room opened into a large balcony and she stepped into it lighting her cigarette. She leaned on the balustrade as she took a drag not really taking in the view around her. A large chunk of Zia's life had been spent feeling destabilized. Her father had been in a transferable government job and they had never stayed anywhere for too long, always having to move from one town and city to another, from one house to another every couple of years.

Her mother had encouraged her to be outgoing, to make friends and Zia remembered how hard she had sometimes tried to break into an existing circle of friends. She would offer to help with homework, listen to woes and troubles, invite them to her house for play dates, but it had all grown tiresome after a fashion. Despite her efforts she had never felt truly accepted, always feeling like an outsider, someone just looking in but never a part of things. And so she had just accepted a lonesome existence as the way of life, drawing more and more inward, losing herself in solitary pursuits. Her mother had worried but there hadn't been much she could do. Even she had come to realise the futility of it perhaps.

And so she had grown up without friends and confidants, had learnt to not hold too much affection for any possessions because there would always be a favourite toy, a favoured piece of furniture, or a secret treasure buried in a back garden that would be left behind or forgotten. People would promise to stay in touch but she'd learnt to not rely on any such promises either.

As she grew older she had sometimes acutely felt the absence of permanency in her life and had yearned for it and for someone to call all her own. She'd had her parents but that wasn't really the same, she couldn't talk to them about everything. Perhaps if she'd had a sibling things would have been easier, but she'd been an only child.

It had all changed when she'd left home to go to college in New Delhi. Delhi had been unlike any place she had ever lived in, large and diverse and she'd stumbled into new friendships and romance. It was something she'd never had before and she'd been surprised, apprehensive but had soon become comfortable with her friends. Those had been fun days, and she'd grown a lot as a person and in experience. There'd been friendship, gossip and adventure, wild parties, impromptu trips to the mountains, her first kiss and so much more.

A large part of why she'd enrolled herself in a post graduate course was so she wouldn't have to leave, so that that she could just be for a little while longer. Not to mention she'd been madly in love. She'd met Vinesh during her undergrad, they'd shared a class together and she'd been head over heels for him. They'd had plenty of common friends, all of whom had helped in bringing them together. She'd loved him like nothing and no one she'd ever loved, convinced of a long and happy future together. She had felt like she finally belonged somewhere. But it hadn't lasted. A month into their post graduation studies, he'd announced he'd been offered a great job that he'd be a fool to not take up, and he didn't think a long distance relationship could work out and wouldn't it be best for them to break up? Zia had been deeply hurt, and had dealt with it by sinking back into herself, detaching herself from everything. Her friends had been a great support and she'd drawn comfort from them, but had remained detached from everything else. Any relationships that she'd had after Vinesh were brief and short lived. She'd held no expectations from her partners and they'd perhaps read her non-committal stance without her having to spell it out and hadn't pushed for more. They'd enjoyed their time together but had inevitably parted ways.

And that had been Zia's life till a few months ago when she had realised how much she'd been closing herself from everything, how deeply she had buried herself, to the point where she no longer knew who she was, what she wanted. She'd been scared to feel, to believe, to love, to live. Everything since then had been an attempt at self-discovery. Her friends, especially Stephie and Anusha, whom she had also met during her under-graduation, had been a huge support. She wouldn't have had the courage to quit her job, to turn to freelancing, to finally take up writing again if not for them.

And then this project had been an absolute blessing, allowing her to travel through Europe like she'd always dreamed, to go to places she'd only read about in her books. It had been incredibly therapeutic. She'd tried her best to open herself up again, to life and experiences, to people. She'd tried to not be scared to show affection, had made some friends on the way. And had stumbled upon them. Alex and Miles.

She tried not to feel scared, but she was. She was scared like she'd never been scared. Whatever it was she felt for them, she knew it was deep and intense. Was it a holiday fling? She ardently wished she could say yes with conviction, but she couldn't and she was too scared to admit to what it could be. And while the two men were both generous and genuine in their ardour and affection towards her, she didn't really know them, and couldn't say what this meant to them. Not to mention the fact that they were world famous celebrities. What the hell were they even doing with her?

She stubbed out her dying cigarette leaving the butt on the parapet to be put in the ash tray later.

"Didn't know you smoked," came Miles' nonchalant voice from behind her. He walked out into the balcony wearing his denims from last night and joined her, also leaning against the balustrade but facing her, his elbows resting on the parapet and his head cocked to one side to have a better view of Zia.

"Occasionally. Been trying to quit," she mumbled with a shrug, not looking at him. Miles puffed away at his own cigarette, before offering it to Zia who took it without any prompting.

Miles continued looking at her in his discerning manner, and Zia still refused to look at him. She was a bundle of nerves, and there had already been too much drama the previous evening. She could really do without rehashing that. But perhaps she did a bad job of hiding her fear and uncertainty, or perhaps Miles was just that good at reading her.

Because the next thing he said to her was, "You shouldn't be scared, Zia."

Zia looked at him them, and Miles gave her a wry smile. "It's written all over your face, love. If one knows you at all, they'd be able to tell."

He put an arm around her pulling her closer, and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "You're not alone in this," he told her gazing into her eyes.

"I should sure hope not!" announced Alex from the balcony door.

He walked out, and pulled Zia into a lingering kiss, "Mornin', darlin'."

"What's this then? Not plannin' to elope without me?" he said in mock dramatic suspicion.

"Yes, that's precisely what I was attempting to convince Zia to do, but she wouldn't budge!" Miles played along, putting on an expression of forlornness.

"Ah, she's a smart girl," Alex said nodding and looking grave. Zia just rolled her eyes at their antics, smoking from the cigarette Miles had handed to her. Alex then plucked it out from Zia's fingers.

"Taking on our bad habits, Zia?"

"Hardly," she scoffed.

He just smiled at her indulgently as he finished off the cigarette.

Miles hugged her from behind, looping his arms around her waist lightly offering comfort. Though Alex had lightened the moment, he could sense that she was still a little tense. He knew Alex could sense it too.

Alex flicked away the cigarette butt and moved closer to them, resting his head against Zia's so she was forced to look into his eyes.

"Zia...," he began in his heavy accent. "It'll be fine, darlin', you'll see."

Zia didn't say anything but hugged them both close. She felt comforted by their words. She was wading through unchartered territories, but perhaps so were they. And maybe, just maybe, it would all be alright.

She pulled away from them then, but not before smacking a kiss upon both of their lips.

"How about some breakfast then?" she asked smiling.