Scintillas ; phan au

To Me & You, 50 Years Ago

I was surrounded in a world of books, most being teenage fiction, dictionaries or revision guides. You would usually pop by to talk to me during your small break after second period asking about what new books I had ordered in. Every time I ordered a new set of books I would reserve one for you to borrow seeing as you went through them in about three days. However it usually wasn't long before your friends dragged you out of the library. I didn't mind though, it warmed my heart to see you laughing and enjoying your life as a student.

One time you walked in whilst I had submerged myself in copies of The Art of Being Normal. I had already placed one on the desk in front of me for you to pick up. You called my name and I stood up to see you smiling at me, dressed in your uniform with the top two buttons undone well as your tie hanging loose.

"You're going to get told off if you don't sort out your uniform." I had scolded.

I would have done up your tie and shirt myself if we hadn't been in a room full of teenagers, seeing as staff weren't supposed to touch students. I wasn't even in a relationship with you, our friendship was just incredibly platonic. I didn't mind that it was like that though, as long as I got to see you it didn't matter. You did up your buttons laughing at how up tight I was before taking the copy of the book I'd left out on the desk. I explained to you that the book was about transgender people and you actually seemed quite interested. You grinned thanking me before walking out of the library, book in hand. I could never get over that smile of yours.

It wasn't until later in the day did I see you walk into the library again during lesson time. I sat down beside you as I asked why you weren't in lesson. Apparently you'd had a fight with a teacher over conflicting views and had been sent out for causing a ruckus. During this time you agreed to let me tutor you some maths. I would laugh every now and then as you made some kind of silly joke or innuendo. I then decided you should head back to your class, as much as you disagreed about me telling you to apologise to your teacher, you headed out anyway.

Next Wednesday break time you came into the library with the book I had lent you. A frown laid on your lips however I decided to save it for later, instead I just took the book from you. Before I could even ask how you'd found the book you had left. After that you didn't turn up to the library for a few days. It wasn't until you were walked into the library by the deputy headteacher that I saw you but you didn't look pleased to see me. The deputy head walked up to me and told you that you had dropped a subject so you would be working in here every time you had that lesson. I was a mere supervisor during your free periods.

I walked up to you as you were up to your neck in English Literature revision guides. I sat down beside you and asked you what subject you dropped. Your response was blunt as you just dropped the word "geography" on me. I apologised to you but told you it was probably for the best, things happen for a reason. You placed your head in your hands and shook your head.

"I know we're always destined to meet each other in different lives Phil. But I can't help but hate myself for how this can't work out ever," you said to me, your voice slightly thick. "I'm fourteen, and you're like twenty-five? I love you so much but it can never work and I hate myself for being so young."

I understood all too well about the age gap, it didn't matter before as our age gap was a norm but now it wasn't, I would most likely be seen as a pedophile. I would even lose my job and be sent to prison. I took the risk of quickly stroking your arm before retreating back and crossing them. I told you that I really did understand but I told you that we could still have a friendship. Through all of our lifetimes, I didn't realise that the moment I'd struggle most with would be comforting my minor soul mate. You flashed a smile at me.

After that confrontation you seemed happier since you had your dilemmas off your chest and your studies were going well. You didn't regret dropping what you had and I was happy that you were happy. Even in this lifetime, if we couldn't be together that was okay by me, just as long as I could see your smile, breathe your happiness, I would be okay with that.

That was when on a bright summer day as I was walking to school I heard you call out my name. I turned around and there you were stood, holding your bag by the straps. I grinned and broke out into a slight giggle due to your cute expression. Your eyes teared up slightly and you broke out a giggle too. I adored you Dan, in every lifetime I would adore you, you were perfect. Everything was right.

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this chapter is shitty as hell I apologise

last chapter next though, gonna go mourn the fic to k-pop