Shooting Star

Chapter Thirty-One

Remus was asleep on the couch, Harry in front of him. Sirius was sleeping in a chair. I was sitting on the floor, watching them, tears cascading silently down my face.
Snape appeared in front of me. "Severus." I said quietly, standing quickly. I put my finger to my lips and pointed at my boys.
Harry opened his eyes a little bit, but closed them soon.
I gestured for Sev to follow me out. We stood on the back porch, watching the stars. "He has Lily's eyes." Sev said, and his voice cracked.
"And James' hair." I said softly. "Oh, God, Sev..."
He put his arm around me, but I turned to him and hugged him, crying.
They were only twenty one. They were too young to be dead.
Sev let me go awkwardly--because he's awkward about everything. It's adorable--but I held on until he hugged me again.
"Come watch the stars with me." I told Sev, pulling him out into the yard to lie down in the grass. I laid down and looked up at him expectantly.
"I came to tell you that I'm sorry, not to make a fool of myself."
"Come on, Sev. You don't always have to be dignified and proper." I tried for a smile. "Just for a minute. No one'll see you."
He laid down beside me and stared straight up at the moon. "It's almost full moon." He said.
"Severus." I sighed.
"Sorry."
"You said you came here to say sorry. What do you have to be sorry for?"
"Not being able to save her."
"That's not your fault, Sev." I said quietly.
"Yes it is."
"If its yours, it's all of ours. Sirius, Remus and I could have been there. Then perhaps one of us would have had a wand."
"Then you'd all be dead too. Potter and Lily were simply in the way. He didn't need to kill them. He told me he wouldn't kill Lily. He just wanted the boy."
"I know."
"Why would Potter try to face the Dark Lord without a wand?" Sev asked quietly.
"Because he loved Lily and Harry. He bought them a few seconds." Sirius said from above us.
A lump rose in my throat, but I swallowed it back. "Come lay down, Padfoot." I said quietly, holding out my arm to stop Severus from getting up.
Sirius laid down on my other side. Tears slid silently down the sides of my face. I was, in all honesty, too upset to cry any harder.
"I have to go." Severus stood up, somehow still managing to look dignified, and apparated away.
I scooted over to Sirius, putting my head on his shoulder. He waved his wand, and a bunch of shooting stars started falling. I started crying harder.
James and Lily Potter were dead. Why them? They didn't deserve it.

It was the afternoon after their funeral.
Sirius was on the floor, his knees up to his chest, his head in his hands. He was sobbing. It sounded painful as hell. It was worse than that one night at school in the library, but we didn't have Madame Pomfrey, and absolutely nothing could fix this. He sounded in agony.. I sat in a chair, sobbing silently and clutching Harry. He was the single most important thing. He was all we had left of Lily and James Potter. Harry giggled at colorful sparks Remus was shooting from his wand for Harry's amusement, making me cry harder. I love Remus.
We were all a safe distance from Sirius. Grieving people could be dangerous, and Sirius was one of those that could be. I would have gone over there anyways, but I didn't want to release Harry. I wanted to throw up. I kissed Harry's head and pulled his hand back as he tried to reach for a spark. "No." I said gently. He reached again, laughing. "No." I repeated, and he stopped.
"Pa-foo?" Harry pointed at Sirius.
Remus was pale and obviously not feeling well. The full moon was tonight. Nevertheless, he was still taking care of us all. He was crying silently, but he nodded his head to Sirius and gestured for me to give him Harry.
I handed Harry over and went cautiously over to kneel in front of Sirius. "Hey, Sirius." I said gently, reaching out and smoothing his hair. Remus hugged Harry tightly to him.
Sirius shifted his body to put his head in my chest, making an almost inhuman noise. I hugged him to me, crying and burying my face in his hair. His hair smells good. I decided to focus on that.
He's been inconsolable, but he calmed down shortly. "Moony, we ought to go." He said, voice thick.
I let Sirius go and turned to Remus. He was sobbing as he put Harry down in the crib Dumbledore had brought over. I threw my arms around his neck, feeling terrible.
"Be careful." I told them both.
Remus avoided my gaze as he nodded. Sirius ruffled Harry's already messy hair, and they apparated to the Shrieking Shack.
I looked down at Harry, smiling as best I could. I grabbed his nose, like James did so many times before. "I got your nose, Harry."
He reached out to get his nose back, laughing. I gave it back, to tired to keep it from him.
"Addy?" He asked.
"I'll be right back." I choked out, running into the kitchen and throwing up in the sink.
How can James and Lily be dead? How could they be gone? How could they not be here to raise their child?
I've seen Sirius and Remus cry more in the past few days than I ever have, and it hurt like hell. I've cried more in the past few days than I ever have. I've cried more than when my parents died and when my sister died combined.
I dropped down to my knees in front of the sink, clutching the countertop with white knuckles.
"This is madness, God. It's chaos." I whispered, voice thick. "Why?"
Be thankful, Eliza. Not everything is bad. I tried to remind myself. Everything just felt bad.
"Thank you for Harry, God. And Sirius and Remus. And Sev. Thank you for Voldemort's defeat." I started naming off random things, like trees and flowers and oxygen until I calmed down, then I went back to get Harry. He smiled, breaking my heart.
"We're gonna go see your Aunt Petunia tomorrow morning. Dumbledore says we've got to at least check. But don't worry. I won't leave you with her." I ran my fingers through his hair--through James' hair.
Harry reached out his arms for me to pick him up. So I picked him up, and he gave my cheek a slobbery kiss. I smiled and sat down, looking into his bright green eyes--Lily's eyes.
"Please don't let us screw him up." I prayed.
"Where Mummy?" He asked.
"Mummy's sleeping." My voice cracked and I covered my mouth, as if that would repress my sobs.
"I lob you." He smiled at me, kissing my hand.
"I love you too, Harry." I smiled, hugging this beautiful little baby boy to me.
How am I supposed to raise my best friends' child?