I'm literally so bored that I'm just writing this. I have so much pent up emotion, and I honestly just..oh my fuck..Y'all, I'm gunna be honest with you. This honest central right here. The honest bubble. I really want a girlfriend. I'm so damn tired of feeling empty and alone. I want one here y'know..because I can't even talk to my friends back in Fort Campbell...why the hell am I always so damn alone? I just want someone that can calm me down..so I can just talk to them instead of cutting..I don't like feeling alone..or sad, or depressed. Maybe I do need to be put in a mental hospital..maybe I do need to be put on medication. I just want to feel happy again. but it's gotten past the point of the "going to my therapist and talking about my feelings to make me feel better" stage. It's gotten past that. I can't even remember what it's like anymore, tbh. I know I'm spoiled..but I'm tired of this family and their constant need to put me down all the time. I'm tired of being a damn embarrassment, a disgrace, a disappointment. I'm tired of hearing my father tell me he hopes I get ran over by a car. I'm tired of all these damn expectations on me. I'm tired of them telling me I'm cutting just to get attention. Because I'm not. I'm cutting because it hurts. I'm cutting because the physical pain distracts me. I'm cutting because it calms me down. I'm tired of being put down because I like girls. I'm tired of being put down because I'm overweight. I'm tired of being put down because I don't have the grades you want me to have. I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of waking up to a game of "let's yell at Ashley just because she's there." "let's blame Ashley for everything wrong in our life." I'm so damn emotionally tired. I get headaches from stress, my face breaks out from stress. I just want to go home. Alabama isn't home to me. It's never going to be home. I feel so damn alone here. And I can't do a damn thing about it.
