The Empty Shell

The First Letter to My Future Self

Dear Grace,

I know these passed few years have been a rollar coaster, and I'm sure your mind will be changed many times over the next four years leading up to college. I just wanted to make sure you never forgot what got you there in the first place. This is entry one of the empty shell, and I hope to do one of these entries daily from now on. Who knows? Maybe one day it will be worth reading. Today's date is 3/29/2013 and you are in the ninth grade of Father Ryan High School where, "You will be known and you will be loved" however, I have noticed that this is not particularly true. I came into this school unwillingly, and I am still not thrilled to be there. With tons of annoying sluts and douche bags who would? And I have noticed that I am not loved by all. Some teachers hate me, most students do too-- no surprise there. I thought things would change. For a slight second, I actually thought that that saying would be true. But I guess I will never fit the bill, now will I?

 I'm overweight,  plain, random because I don't know who I am anymore, depressed because there is nothing else to be, psychotic,  angry, and just down right fed up with life. The mask , instead of cracking, has just gotten stronger. My smile has become even more believable--  but that's to be expected with years of practice now isn't it? The cuts certainly have gotten deeper and the voices more frequent. I don't mind them though, alone is my protection. Alone is my protection because they are there when I am alone. Even though My self-esteem is in the drain and I am absolutely insane, there are a few things in this life that are able to break that mask. There are a few people able to make that smile turn into a genuine one and my laugh into a real one. I am no longer the broken porceline doll I was before.

  Ellie Marty and Emily Yoko are two of my best friends struggling along this battlefield with me. It may not seem like much, but their craziness is keeping me alive, that and the future. I've been telling many people that I want to be a simple English teacher for either middle or high schoolers. I tell them this because I love English and it's the only thing I'm good at. However, I have a secrete.  I feel like my life is meant for so much more than teaching. What I really want to do is be a detective. Not just any detective. The world's greatest detective.I want to be able to be given the hardest, most difficult case that has been declared unsolvable and solve it in three hours or less. I want to be known around the world for solving the impossible. I want to be able to look at a person and tell you their whole life story. I want to be considered a genius. I want to be known for more than what is expected of me. 

Little Grace Ann Borum, the girl who fails at school. The girl who's parents see as a failure. The girl who everyone around sees as a pathetic, worthless, good-for-nothing loser. The fat one in the corner who couldn't survive in the world for a minute. I want to prove to all of them that I can be more. No I AM more than they will ever know. I want them to feel as pathetic as they made me feel for looking down on me. I want to be the one who can look down on them. I want to be noticed for more than my failures. I want to be known as the greatest. I want to be the best. I will be the best. One day, you'll read the paper and see my name at the top. GRACE BORUM- Greatest detective to ever live, Solves another case! There you have it folks! She's done it again!! I will finally be known and loved, I will finally be noticed. I will finally be someone.

-Grace Ann- World's Greatest detective.