A Dance With Despair

{ Prologue }

Blood. Despair.
It's all I ever think about these days.
And scissors. I've always had a fascination towards scissors. I don't exactly know why. They just seem very interesting and beautiful to my bittersweet mind.
I just remember being there. I remember my friends, the memories, and even my love. Everything seems so real.
But so many people tell me it isn't.
"Touko....."
More Blood. More Despair.
"Hello..? Touko?"
Junko.... Enoshima....
"Touko..? Are you listening to me?"
I snapped my head back to the doctor. All of this overthinking was doing me no good.
"Sorry Doctor, I was just thinking."
He looked at me for a few seconds. He examined my facial expressions. He wandered his eyes all the way from the brim of my scratched glasses, all the way down to my clammy hands, pulling at my winter coat. I had been visiting the doctor and taking therapy for quite some time, but even still, I don't know if anything in my mind has actually changed.
The doctor gave me, what looked like, a concerned look for a slight millisecond, then relaxed his face.
"About what, Touko?"
I licked my dry lip. I had to get used to this. This was my life now- doctors endlessly trying to convince me that nothing happened. That when I walked out of Hope's Peak Acadamy, I was merely waking up from a bad dream.
Honestly, I was beginning to convince myself that it's what really happened. Afterall, it had been about a year since it occured, or well, what I believe occured.
I paused for a few seconds and thought.
"Doctor, what does... Hope, mean to you?"
He froze.
I looked at his locked jaw. He was obviously thinking about his response. He knew that he had to reply carefully- especially to an unstable patient like myself.
"Well," he began, "Hope is something you feel when a good thing happens to you. It is something that makes you feel happy. Right, Touko?"
I fixed my glasses.
"Doctor, I would have to disagree with your opinion."
He gave me a perplexed look. He wanted me to explain furthermore.
"Well, doctor, I believe that hope is something that guides as a light. It may be something you feel in a good situation, yes. But, it's something you need to feel in a bad situation too."
He stared into empty space and nodded. He turned his head slightly to look at the wall behind me.
"To change the situation, correct?"
I shook my head.
"No. To change ourselves."
He looked at my face for a few seconds. I flinched.
Up to this day, I still hate when people look at my face directly. It had always been something I've been insecure about my entire life- more so in the past, but even still to this day I still get a feeling of a judgemental presence when someone does so.
"Your depiction of hope is very interesting, Touko. When did you come up with that theory?"
I sighed. The loop was beginning once again.
"From my time at Hope's Peak Academy, Doctor."
He softly shook his head and tapped the table for a good ten seconds. I could almost hear the words, 'Oh dear, not this again,' echoing around his mind. Honestly, I almost felt the same way as well.
"How many times do I have to state this, Touko," he went on, "Hope's Peak Academy has never existed."
I clench my teeth.
"It did happen! I know it did! I was there, doctor, I swear!"
He took a long, deep breath.
"Touko, stop. You're just unstable. Have you been taking your medicine?" he asks calmly, trying to avert the conversation.
I shake my head in distress.
"It has nothing to do with my medicine! It happened, doctor. I remember the people there. We survived the bloodbath and escaped her togeth-"
He stood up suddenly. I stopped speaking.
"I think that's enough for today."
His face was tired. The doctor has had enough of it. He had enough of it ever since I first visited him. No one ever believed my story- and deep down I knew that no one ever would. But, even if I still have the hope that it did in fact happen- that everyone was real, that despair was beginning to take over- then I was going to find out what happened. I had to.
Without a word I stood up and walked towards the door.
I cocked my head towards the doctor.
"Thank you, doctor. See you soon."
He nodded in a frustrated matter and waved at me, signalling a good-bye. I turned my head back and sighed silently. How much longer did I have to do this?
I grabbed the doorhandle and opened the creaky door of the clinic. The smell of this place made me feel uncomfortable. I finally left the clinic, and the loud traffic made a ringing in my ears.
Was despair really gone? Was despair even here in the first place? Am I just a dellusional psychotic that is imagining everything that happened?
Or maybe, just maybe, it really did happen.
I had to find out the truth.

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Hello Reader! I hope you liked the prologue of my new story. Although it is a Togami x Touko, I want to make an actual plot, and make it an actual story rather than just a crummy fanfiction. The plot is post-Hope's Peak, however if you didn't read the blurb, everything had been forgotten. No one had any record of Hope's Peak, and Touko is looked down upon as a psychotic because of whaf she think happened. I hope you like it, even though my writing isn't great! 😅 Enjoy!