Adopted by Kpop

Chapter 5

I stepped out of the elevator trying and failing to act casual. 'Where have you been?' Namjoon signs angrily. "T-t-trying to find the e-e-e-elevators." I replied trying to keep my cool. 'It doesn't take a half an hour to find the elevators, just follow the signs.' he "yells" at me. I flinch remembering all of the times I have been yelled at. "W-w-well I'm s-s-sorry if it's my f-f-fi-first time h-h-here, the f-f-fact that I can't s-s-speak or r-r-read Ko-k-orean, and that I-i-i ne-n-never wanted to be a-adopted by s-s-seve-seven boys who will pr-probably just u-use me, ab-abuse me and then r-return me just like my r-real pa-parents. There a r-r-re-eason I was in that m-men-mental ho-hos-spital. I tried to k-kill my-my-myself and I-i-i wish it w-w-would have worked and then I w-w-wouldn't have to sp-spend my life in this eter-eternal h*ll-ll!" I had tears streaming down my face. It hurt so much to tell someone my real feelings. I felt all of the emotions that were murdered just weeks ago come flooding back. I looked at him he had tears flowing down his face, they were probably fake. I grabbed my bag and ran. Thru the lobby and out the doors. Down the road and to god knows where.  Finally I was out of energy so I plopped down against a wall and took out my journal. I poured my heart into each of my words:

Some people think that just because I'm smiling I'm happy. These people are wrong. They don't know what hides behind that smile. They don't know the voices that won't leave me alone. They don't know the real me. And if I have my way, they never will.

Today, I finally realized how little I mean to people. Nothing will change when I am no longer here. You'll carry on like I never meant a thing. 

You live, you love, you laugh, you learn, you scream, you cry, you crash, you burn.

I'm going to draw you a picture, A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a blade, I'll draw it on my wrist.

That's it I decided, I'm done. No one wants me, so why not just leave. I stood up from where I was sitting. Now, Which one, Which one? That one isn't high enough. That one has no roof access. But that one's perfect. It was tourist place, too, perfect! I'm American I think i could pass as  tourist. I walked through the revolving doors. The lobby was nice, three sitting areas and a front desk. The secretary acknowledged my presence with a nod and went back to the work she need to finish. The elevators were to the right of the front desk. I walked over there, trying to act like a confused tourist. I pressed the highest button hoping that floor had either roof access or a balcony. That was the 14th floor. The elevator doors opened, silently of course. I stepped in, turned around and watched the needle slowly make it's way from one to thirteen. I sighed, do I really want and need to do this? Well the boys are out searching for me so they are out of the problem.

Parents? No.

Friends? No.

Life? No.

Love? No. 

Well no reason for me to stay. The doors opened revealing the roof, thank goodness. I stepped out of the elevator letting the the warm air surround me I set my bag down and opened it. I took out my journal. I was going to take it with me no matter what. I walked over to the small wall that circles the perimeter of the roof. And slowly looked over the edge at the traffic below. Some people looked up at me after seeing my shadow. I firmly put my right foot on the edge and then my left. Some people down below were yelling things, but no clue as to what they were saying. I tried launching myself, but two strong arms caught me. Oh.........Sh*t. I doomed. 

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I am so sorry for not updating in sooooo long. 용서해주십시오!

-Author-nim