don't mind me I feel like writing depressing things right now because i'm listening to sad music so why not
I sprinted down the street blindlessly, the rain drenched my body, making my long, tangled hair stick to me like glue.
The rain drops hit my skin roughly, feeling as if I was being pelted everywhere with tiny pebbles.
I stopped at the bridge, and sat down on the floor of the pathway, watching aimlessly as the cars sped by.
A bolt of lightening lightened up the dark eerie night.
The only thing that enlightened this dreary night was the street lights and the bold moon.
But even those specific things weren't enough to brighten anything up.
I rose off the ground with shaking legs and walked over to the railing and leaned against it carelessly as I glanced down the lengthy drop to the water below.
My body was shivering violently, as the rain soaked deep into my bones.
I couldn't think straight and my mind was just as clouded as this night happened to be.
Go ahead, jump.
No one wants you.
Just jump.
It's not that hard.
You see, it's not the person that wants to commit suicide, or do anything bad; it's the thing, the demon inside. That's how depression works. A whole new something overtakes your innocent self, making you do horrible things to yourself until you just crack.
There's only so much someone can swallow and tolerate to the point she just breaks, snaps and that's all it takes.
"What are you doing out here?!" he shouted over the loud rain and the cars, grabbing me by the shoulders as he shook me a bit, as if that was to knock some sense into me. "you could be killed!"
I turned my head away and looked at him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just- I'm just so fucked up."
He shook his head. "You're not."
My vision started to become blurry as my body swayed, making me grab onto the ice cold railing for support.
"But you see, that's where you're wrong. I am beyond fucked up."
As if I couldn't hold it in anymore, sobs left my mouth.
I placed my hand over my parted lips, trying to conceal the embarrassing, heavy sobs that helplessly escaped.
"Let me die. Please. Just let me jump over the side, no one has to know, you could just walk away right now and say you couldn't find me. Please this pain is just too much to handle." I begged, my knees practically gave out underneath me, making him snatch my arm.
I yanked away from him, standing back up as straight as I could.
"Don't think like that. You'll fight through everything, it'll be ok." he exclaimed, his eyes pleading into mine.
"I could fight to the end, but maybe I don't want to win. It just- it just.. I'm tired. Okay? I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired and exhausted of constantly feeling this never ending pain," I turned to gaze over the side, ignoring my trembling, shaking body.
"Don't say that," he snapped at me. "You're put into this world for a reason."
"Maybe I don't have a good enough reason? What do I have to life for?!" I screamed over the loud noise created by the cars flying by, and the heavy rain and thunder. "It's like I'm stuck in this dark tunnel, there's so many ways to get out but I seem to be walking around in circles."
"Suicide is selfish. It's the easy way out. You don't consider the pain your family and friends will go through." he shouted, anger bubbling in his system. "I can't lose you,"
"The easy way out?!" I screeched, slamming my hands on his chest; shoving him back, making him stumble back. Anger seethed through me. "There is nothing even remotely easy about suicide. Do you think it's easy to fight every natural instinct in your body that tells you to survive? Do you think it's easy to come to the decision that ultimately, it would be better if you were dead? Better for you, for your friends, for your family. Because when you're suicidal, you consider everything. You consider what would bring your loved ones pain. So that's why you hold off for as long as you can, you try as hard as you can. But sometimes you can't do it. Suicide doesn't happen because you're feeling a little sad one day or because your boyfriend dumped you. It's because everything is overwhelming. You can't see any light in your life and your vision is shrouded in darkness. You can't envision a future without pain; hell you can't envision a future at all. You have no hope for anything. You have been too strong for far too long. So you do it. You take the plunge. You jump off the building. You walk in front of the train. You do it in the hopes that it will make the voices stop, it will make the hurt go away and it will relieve your parents of the burden that you think you are. If you think going through all of this makes you weak, then you're fucking delusional."
He stood there for a moment, completely stunned, before enveloping me in his arms. shaking. "I'm sorry. But please, baby, please I can't lose you. I just can't live with out you,"
I buried my face in his neck, finding the warmth and comfort quite lovely. "Yes you can, it's plain and simple,"
"No, I can't,"
