A Peek Into My Mind

Bullshit

A.N. This is really all over the place and probably won't make much sense, but I really had to write.

So you say I never try.
During our entire relationship, I have never put in a drop of effort.
I call bullshit.

Through everything with our parents (mostly mine), we have kept talking.
I have always found a way.
But of course, you "didn't ask me to", so if we just stopped talking I guess you wouldn't care.
I always put my feelings above yours and never think about yours.
But you never make what you want me to do very clear. But I can't ask you to repeat anything because then I'm not putting in any effort.
When I get upset and would rather not start an argument, I tell you to leave me alone. I do that so I don't start an argument. You just push the issue by constantly asking me what's wrong even after I say that I don't want to tell you and that you should just drop it.
But that isn't me trying, that's you trying. I'm putting in no effort, it's all you.
I've started shutting you out. You've made me feel like I have to.
You tell me I'm selfish and never give a damn about your feelings, I never show you that I care. I don't tell you what's wrong anymore, I won't. If you keep pushing the issue, I'll just keep pushing you away.
The key, as my best friend told me, is to distract me or change the subject if I say I don't want to talk about it.
You should respect my decision not to tell you.
You should respect me.

In my opinion, I have tried way more than you over the course of this entire summer.
But I'm probably wrong.
Today, I could show you what not trying is like. I could just not text you at all today. Because without my efforts, we wouldn't have talked at all this summer.
You tell me to open my eyes and listen, but I can't stand your bullshit.
You get to put in all the effort today, see what it really feels like.