Lux's Big Sister

Chapter 20

Jillian~

All I can ever think about is death. It always just pops into my head and it makes my stomach hurt. I feel like I've trained my self for someone to die, but I'm not ready for them to go.

My family was really all I had and I screwed that up also. I basically screw everything up.

Hopefully I can change my life some how and maybe try to go back with my family to get some help.

I do think I need a councilor or someone to help me get through my problems. I've been this way long enough.

I miss living in Cheshire with Mummy, Daddy, and Lux. Lux was only 2 weeks old when I took off so when I saw her those 4 months ago she has no idea who I was and I really want to change that.

Every time I sit down all quiet, I think and wonder how things would be like and how they can be like and I hate it because it makes me feel horrible.

I remember all the holidays we had together with the whole family. I enjoyed it. My cousins would come over along with ones I've never met before. It was interesting.

"I messed up. I'm serious this time." I tell Harry as he walks still holding my wrist.

He looks at me but continues to look back at the side walk.

"I want to go back to me, the old me. I did everything right and enjoyed life. I hate crying every night and having to take another pill that Vincent gave me it..." Before I could finish he stops me.

"Pill? Vincent? That doesn't go right together. Do you have the bottle?" He asks me.

I go into my jacket pocket and show him.

"K? Never heard of it." He says looking down at the ground while he pulls me to sit on the bench.

He pulls out his phone from his pocket and I look over his shoulder to see what he's doing.

He googles 'the drug k'.

I really haven't payed attention to the label. I didn't even realize it was there.

"The drug 'K' makes you turn to the person you aren't. It's the opposite of you. If you are good, you are bad. If you are bad, you are good. That is the easiest way to explain it." He reads.

Oh. I'm seriously going to kill him.

"So your telling me you've been taking this?"

I didn't want to reply.