Scars

9

Demi

I woke up the next morning with tears in my eyes at the memory of last night. I could feel the tightness of my face from the sob-fest last night and the more I thought about it, the more of a threat another breakdown was. It was absolutely perfect, until Wilmer had slid into me, and the flashbacks started. I had tried to hold it in, keeping my eyes squeezed shut, but Wilmer had leaned his forehead against mine, and when I looked at him, his face morphed into the elusive face of my rapist.

Beside me, Wilmer slept soundly, his body turned away from me and not touching me at all. I sighed and got up, walking down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. As the teabag sifted, I stood by the sink, looking out of the huge windows at our lawn and pool.

Suddenly, I felt hands on the small of my back. They moved to my hips, then around to my stomach. Wilmer's chin rested on my shoulder.

"Goodmorning."

"Hey." I murmured, staying tense in his arms.

"Demi. Don't do this."

"I'm not doing anything." I said, still in a low voice.

He slowly turned me around, putting both hands on either side of me and pressing his hips into mine so I couldn't move. "So we're not gonna talk about last night."

"Nope." I replied, popping the 'p' and trying to move away from him.

Wilmer held me fast, and put one finger under my chin, lifting my face so he could press his lips to mine firmly. I didn't kiss him back, but I didn't pull away. Finally, we parted and he sighed.

"I don't want this to hurt us."

I shook my head, finally managing to get away from him. "It's too late."

~*~

When we got into bed that night, I laid on my side at the edge of the bed, my back to Wilmer. I felt him get in bed, then he sighed heavily.

"Demi?"

"What."

He touched my hip and I flinched. "Demi, please."

"Please what?" I shoved the blankets off and sat up. "If you're just going to sit there and beg me to cuddle or talk to you I'm going to sleep in the other room. I don't want to cuddle, and I definitely don't want to talk. Just leave me the hell alone."

"Demi I don't want to fight with you I just want you to let me in."

"No."

He swallowed hard and sighed, standing up. "Fine then. I'll give you your space. I'll sleep in the guest room-"

"No." I stood and grabbed my phone. "I'll go." I glanced around. "This room suffocates me."

He flinched and I turned on my heel, walking out. I went into the guest room and laid in bed, already starting to feel lonely. My mind raced around the way I had just spoken to Wilmer, and knew he was hurt. Guilt filled me, and I groaned, closing my eyes tightly. I didn't want to give into the guilt and loneliness. I wanted to be alone. Right?

Two hours later, it was quite obvious I was wrong. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. So, leaving my pride in this room, I stood up, and walked back to the bedroom Wilmer and I shared for so many years. He was lying on his back, asleep, but his eyes opened once I got in bed.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head and pulled the covers over me, reaching down with my hand to lace my fingers with his. At the contact, I felt my mind stop spinning, the relief was instant.

"Demi?"

I shook my head and rolled over, laying my head on his shoulder. He automatically put his arms around me, looking down with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and felt the emotion beginning to well up. A single tear ran down my cheek, and then I was sobbing. Wilmer's arms tightened around me and I felt his arms around me tighten, and his lips press against my hair.

"Demi please don't cry."

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch." I cried, pushing my face into his neck. "I'm sorry. I love you. I love you so much Wilmer."

"It's okay."

"No it's not! It's been two months! I should be trying harder to get over this."

Wilmer pulled me closer and there was a wrench in my gut. I pushed off of him and ran to the bathroom, slamming to my knees as I threw up into the toilet. I felt Wilmer's hands pulling back my hair and weakly tried to push him away.

"Go away! You don't need to see this."

He sighed. "Demi you act like I haven't seen you worse."

I sighed and sat back against the wall, the nausea disappeared as quickly as it came. "I don't know what that was. Maybe I'm getting my-" My mouth fell open, my body feeling like ice water had been injected into my veins. "Oh no." No no no no no.

"What?"

I looked up at Wilmer's innocently confused expression. "What is today's date?"

"The thirty first."

I closed my eyes tightly. "Wilmer. I need you to go to CVS."

"What? Why? It's nearly midnight I don't know if they're open. What's going on?"

I shook my head, pressing my hands to my face. "I need you to go to a twenty-four hour pharmacy right now."

"Why?!"

I could feel the panic rising and raised my head to look at him through red-tinged eyes. "I'm late. I think I'm pregnant."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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-Rachel