No one can tell you who you are (complete)

18 Ending it all..

*warining to everyone who reads, this is extremely triggering, this is how I recently lost my beautiful coauthor..*

Dylan's POV

I feel like humongous swords have been stabbed into my chest,
I feel like I've disappointed everybody,
Chastidy,
Ashley,
Jake,
Andy,
CC,
even Jinxx...

Chastidy got out of surgery a couple of hours ago, and they said that the surgery went really good,
that's the highlight of my depressing life right now.

I was sitting on my bathroom floor, with a bottle of pills, and a razor in my hand, this is it, paradise here I come...
I was about to open the bottle of pills, when I forgot my suicide note,
"how could you forget that Dylan?!" I muttered to myself and exited the bathroom.

I got the Black envelope with a red rose on it,
I re-entered the bathroom and made sure to lock the door this time,
I sat myself on the bathroom floor and popped the bottle of pills and poured the whole bottle in my mouth. I dry swallowed the pills and got my razor out,
I cut at least 20 on each wrist and started to see black spots, I smiled to myself;
I have been waiting for this moment since I was 13,
now 5 years later, her e I am doing it, sure I felt guilty for leaving Ashley, but; he will understand.

The one I feel most guilty was Chastidy,
She just got out of surgery and here I am committing suicide,
I just hope whoever finds me,
they would just let me die,
and not take me to a hospital or an ER,
Just let me stay in paradise...

That was all I thought of when darkness took over my vision,
"I'm going to paradise"
The way i knew

*out of body experience*
where am I?
Whats that? Is that....
"Dylan?"
"hey Chas... I just want you to know, you don't have to wake up... I'm gone, I commited suicide... It's working... I'm about to..."
Suddenly I woke up, I hear voices, I looked around and saw everyone, they hadn't seen me awake yet, the only thing I said was "where's Dylan?"
"She's at home... Why?" CC said, grabbing my hand.
"tell Andy to go check on her now, I don't care what he's doing, tell him I need something. But I need to know she's ok."
"ok, I'll tell him."