"My heart is gold and my hands are cold"
-
She was a wildfire already. And he just had to be the gasoline to make her burn everything, didn't he?
Everything comes to and end. Sometimes you just have to let go.
And when hearts shatter into a million...
Wow, chapter six already? That seems crazy, and yet not... Thank you DiamondReader981 for reviewing and favoriting! Today, I think we'll get right into the story instead of me going on and on and on and...I should shut up now. Let me know though if you want shorter Author's notes though, I kinda make them too big I think... Enjoy the chapter!
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Bee, March 4
I stayed completely cool. Levelheaded. Calm. Chill. Didn't flip out one bit. Why would I? ...Who am I kidding? I forgot to breathe. Another reason it's good Teamspeak isn't Skype: Jordan would have seen me go purple as a plum. Thankfully I remembered to inhale before I passed out. That would have made this situation even more awkward for him... It's like that anyway now though...I'm so awkward, ugh! And then I realized I was making it so much worse by not saying something. This was supposed to be romantic and perfect, and I was ruining it!
"Really?" I asked, truly sounding calm. Calm enough to make myself proud, even. That was good. I closed my eyes, waiting for him to respond. In my head, I could practically hear the romantic music playing. Gosh, I'm so cheesy... I grinned in spite of myself. I'd known Jordan for so long now, I could nearly sense him smiling too. "Yeah..." he spoke softly. "I'm texting her,"
Gleefully, my hands hopped to my phone which had been resting nearby. My fingers opened the lock effortlessly, and I waited, nearly bursting with excitement. "Oh?" "Mm...Screw it, I don't care if I don't know what to say," A few seconds later, he murmured, "Sent."
I waited. And I waited. Finally, I realized it. And that was the moment my own little world came crashing down. My music stopped. I dropped my mouth open, holding in a gasp of despair. All I could say was repeat my last word, but I couldn't even try to sound happy. "...Oh..." I buried my face in my hands. My phone was completely silent.
The text hadn't been for me.
-=+=-
It was late. After lieing to Jordan that I had to go film a Sims 4 episode, I logged off Teampspeak and layed on my bed for what seemed like forever. I didn't move, I didn't speak, I didn't cry. Why would I cry? It wouldn't make my heart hurt any less.
I hadn't even asked her name - then I would look her up and I would see how much prettier she was than me. Gosh knows it wasn't hard to be. Staring up at my ceiling, I silently recited a list in my head of reasons I hated myself.
1. I was fat. 2. I fell in love with people I didn't deserve. 3. I was an idiot, I was annoying, I was unpleasant - okay, that's three - but basically my personality just sucked. 4. I was so ugly. 5. ...Everything. I hated everything about myself.
