Bad.

Twenty.

There was a knock on the door. I rolled my eyes as Veronica went to open it. Probably some sad relative or friend who thinks they can pep talk me into changing my mind. They spoke quietly so I didn't know who it was. But then Justice got up and headed to the door. He seemed angry. I followed quietly waiting by the kitchen door to hear who it was.

"I told you not to come here a long time ago. You'll just make it worse." Justice hissed. I listened closer.

"Please just let me see her. I can help."

I froze. No way... No way in hell was that him. I slowly walked out of the door to see if it was really him. I could see nothing but his hair because my sister was in the way but I knew it was him.

"Ashton." I whimpered my eyes tearing up.

Justice and Veronica turned to look at me but I didn't care. When Ashtons eyes met mine. I crumbled into a crying mess and took off down the hallway to him.

I jumped awake. The dream was so real. Ashton coming to rescue me from this nightmare. Fresh tears wet my face. He wasn't coming to save me. I slid out of bed quietly and crept down the hall. Veronica was dead asleep in the guest room. So I snuck downstairs and into the basement where she'd never find me. I walked quickly to the back on the basement where a red door was locked shut. I grabbed the key out of an old can hidden on a shelf and unlocked it. My body could feel itself getting what it wanted. I could feel electricity. The gravitational force that pulled me to this room was too strong. I pushed open the door to the gorgeous bar room. When I walked in you would think there was no point. The bar held only empty bottles of alcohol but no. I had a secret in this room that I'd managed to keep from everyone. I slipped behind the bar and crouched down opening one of the cupboards. A small black handle could be seen. I yanked the handle up pulling open a door in the floor where I had a secret stash of 40 bottles of Jack Daniels. I was prepared. I knew they'd try and stop me. I didn't want to be stopped.

I slid my phone out of my pocket and being as dramatic as I was I played sad songs while I slowly drank myself into stupidity.

It was a numbing thing. I felt good but not happy. I was sad everyday. The doctor I talked to on a regular basis wants to put me on depression medicine. I don't want it. "I'm not depressed." I'd argued. "I just like to drink." Justice fought tirelessly for me but I wasn't getting better. I didn't want to. I just hated myself so much. So I got drunk enough that I didn't know myself anymore. It was like being on house arrest though they couldn't do anything legally now. I was 21. They kept me sheltered and contained like a plague. The bad part was I drank enough not to care. They had no clue where I was getting my alcohol but I didn't care. I drank whatever whenever. Of course, I didn't chug until I passed out. There was always a cup of alcohol or a bottle in bad cases. Veronica tried her bullshit speeches but I ignored her. I didn't care who I was hurting. I was in pain and I was going to do whatever I needed to to make the pain go away. My own actions started to not make sense anymore.

Why was I drinking? For myself? But I told everyone that I was only alive because I didn't wanna hurt anyone but if I drank I hurt people. Justice, Veronica. They were hurting. So was I. Maybe they'd stop if I stopped. But there was no way I could stop hating myself long enough to feel better. Maybe if I just drank enough to fall asleep... forever..

I cried hysterically as I thought about it. If I stopped hurting they would too. They'd heal and move on. Things could be normal for them again... It was like something clicked in my head.
..

ASHTONS POV

Of all the times in the world for me to lose my passport this was not the time. Then the guys begged me to stay an extra week just to finish up recording for the song we already had in progress. I agreed. She could wait. Then finally it was time for me to go see her and I was nervous. The entire flight all I'd done was worry. Worry about what she'd say to me or if she would be okay by the time I got there. Then before I knew it I was in a car racing to her house. When I got there my stomach dropped. Four police cars and an ambulance. I couldn't get close. So I got out of the car and walked the rest of the way. I ran past anyone who might stop me and I still got stopped at the door.