The feeling of homecoming

1

I'm sitting in the train on my way to nowhere. I don't know where to go, I'm just sitting here with my suitcase heading to a place I don't know. From my earphones resounds "Bittersweet" fom my favorite band Apocalyptica but I can't really hear it. It becomes blurred with the rest of the noises in the train. The time seems to fly away even though I do nothing but thinking. My head is full of thoughts, it seems impossible that so many thoughts can fit into a head.

Now I'm alone. I have to care for myself. But how am I supposed to do that? I'm just 17 years old and I don't know anything about living. I hear an announcement:"All change please!" And now? I get out of the train but I don'tknow the place I enter. It's cold and the clouds in the distance look like it will rain. A little bench under the roof of the station promises me protection, on there  I try to organize my thoughts but I fail. What am I supposed to do now? The question stays inside of my head.

My home is far away but I can't go back. If I only would have a place to sleep. I can't go to my friends, what would they think? I haven't spoke to them for weeks.

I look at the horizon. Infront of me is nothing but a few houses and many fields. Only now I realize how small I am. The wide fields make me scared. I'm nothing in comparison to everything else in fornt of me. My heart feels very heavy inside of my chest.

The dark clouds are coming near very fast and it doesn't take much time until it starts to rain. I'm happy about the rain. Finally something I know. Even though it's only water out of clouds I feel save and secure and not that alone anymore.

I think a second time: where could I go now? I only want to go home but I can't. I can't go to my friends either. In the distance I see another train arriving at the station. I get in there and hope nobody will come to check my ticket. Luckily I find a place where I can sit alone. I don't need the company of someone else now. But my happines doesn't last long because of an old woman who wants to sit next to me gets into the train at the next station. "Hey, where are you heading to?" I just shake my head and look at her: "I don't know." "What? How is it even possible to not know where you want to got?" Dismay shows up to her face."Today is not my day." I turn myself to the window hoping she would not ask something again. "Yes, I can see that's not your day."She pulls at my hair. I don't like it when a stranger touches me. But she was right, my hair looks a little messy. My long blonde hair is naturally a little messy but today there were even more in a mess."What's wrong? Tell me", the old lady sais. I look at her but stay quiet. "My name is Ines", she smiles at me. I still don't say anything. "What's your name?" I answer just to be polite: "My name is Torben." "So then Torben, tell me what happened, don't be shy I won't bite" I feel like a little child when she speakes like this to me. "I don't want to talk about it." "Okay!" Ines luckily gets up and sits down on another bench. I'm happy to be alone again.

Nontheless I feel forced to go through the day and everything that happened again in thoughts. What happened today? It started normally like every otherday. I got up early and went to school.

I hate school, all my classmates don't like me. But I don't like them either. I'm an outcast at my school. The few friends I have are going to another school than me. My father gets up even earlier than me to go to work.  To have the breakfast alone doesn't disturb me. On the contrary, I really like it. My father and I are having a very distanced realtionship. But that it really is as distanced as it seems to be now after I'm gone, I never thought before. But my father showed it to me today.