The feeling of homecoming

3

When I wake up at the next day there are already more people at the station. My back hurts as I try to sit up because of the hard bench. Together with my suitcase I go to the toilett to wash my face. I look at myself through the blurry mirror and wonder. Is this me? In my eyes I see sadness. But it doesn't feel like I am the person at the other side of the mirror. "What's wrong with you Torben?" I think. My body seems to be an empty cover cover.

I take the first train that drives in the direction where my mother lives. Or maybe where I think she lives. In the train I try to confince myself  that I am fine and my mother already waits for me full of love and happiness. Suddenly I remember that I should have a sister now, my mother was pregnant when I left her. My sister sould be 11 years old now. I wonder how she looks like. Likely she looks like my mother because I do look like her too. I decide to think about something different and put my earphones into my ears. This time I am able to focus on the music and I totally leave the reality by listening to it. After the train drove a long time into the north it enters his final station.

When I remember the things right I only have to drive for like two hours now to get to my hometown. While I wait for the next train my phone plays a song that I listenend to when I was a little boy together with my mother. She was a big country and blues fan. I wonder if she still is. The song wakes the feeling of homecoming in my mind and Iremember a lot of events I've been to with my mother. At the same time I feel uncomfortable and imagine how she could reject me when I reach my hometown.

Deep inside of me I think all will have a good ending. Even though I have many worries in my head this situation can't get even more bad than it already is. I could see this all as a chance to start my life again from the beginning. "Hello life, this is me Torben. I'm 17 years old and I get happy now. And when I say happy I mean happy.

I am so glad about my plan that I didn't even recognize the man next to me trying to talk to me. "Sorry?" I move around and look at the man who works for the train. Oh shit! "Your ticket please!" I feel my heart beating very fast and my hands are beginning to shake."I don't have any." I say quiet. "Than you have to pay now." I suddenly don't get any word out of my mouth. "I...I don't have any money." "Where do you want to go?" He looks at me very grumpy. "I don't know." I say shy. "Okay, the train enters its final station soon. I will let you go." When he sais that a stone breaks from my heart. So much luck like I have this is supposed to be a good day.