Star Wars: The Ancient Force

C H A P T E R . 1 9 -- To Fly Or Fall

ONLY LUKE'S BODY moves down the dark hall. A shell. Not his mind. Not Luke.

His body moves to the elevator and stops, unsure of what to do without Luke's orders. So after a moment of nothing, Luke allows his mind some control.

He heads to the first floor and looks for supplies for the roof. In the kitchen, he puts food in a sac to fling over his shoulder, using his dead hand to scoop. Near where Terigo said the bedrooms were, he passes a room with Han's snoring coming from it. He looks inside adjacent rooms but doesn't find what he's looking for, so he clears his mind of all but one task and enters Han's room. When he finds enough bedding, he puts his dead hand to use by draping the bedding over it to carry, and walks out with Han only shuffling.

On his way to the elevator, he passes by a lit room and sees Terigo and Chewbacca. He stops to look at them, at her. She's bundled up in Chewbacca's arms, blanketed in his fur. Both are reclined, asleep, cozy and happy.

All the more reason to not care for her: If she spends any more time around me, I'll be getting my arms ripped off. But he was beyond the ability to smirk at such desperate sarcasm.

Maybe I should just leave now, in case Terigo tries to change my mind when she reads my decision—if she does. She could protect Han, and Chewie. And she can survive without a goodbye or an explanation. She's strong.

And he heads to the roof.

In the distant glow of the building's nightlights, Luke finds a spot next to a railing where he could easily see enemies beyond and below. He makes his bed there despite the open wind and cold.

He sits on his bed cross-legged with his elbows on his knees and tries resting his face in his palms. He forgets about his dead, cold hand, so he tries pushing it over his face like his other one. But with its discomfort, he gives up and instead rests his face in his living hand, covering his eyes to try to calm his mind, breathing deeply.

But his mind won't truly calm. He was still worked up, and feeling Leia's sadness from far away was only making it worse. So he puts his mind to work by trying to focus on the Force, trying to call to it. Whatever that means. How does one call to the Force? And he called it a 'she'...?

Regardless, he knows it would help keep his mind off of things. So he spreads his awareness throughout the Force around him, in different ways, far and wide, dense and sparse. But none of it feels any different, so he tries having different feelings and thoughts to see if the Force would respond to them: hope, despair, needing help, wanting advice, and just repeating the name Vader... Vader... Vader...

...Father...

A feeling that was not his own. Luke's breathing stops and his connection to the Force falters. The feeling of 'father' had swum through his mind, much like how Terra had communicated, with the flavor that 'Vader' meant 'father' in the ancient language of this planet.

Though his own essence was now stirred with wonder and concern, he tries repeating the name again, and repeating whatever he thought he did when the feeling happened. And when his essence finally calms...

...Father of Balance...

...as if Balance were a force or entity.

Thoughts and desperation race through his mind, What does that mean? Why are you telling me this? What does it have to do with Vader or my father? What is he a father of? Why did he pick the name? Did he know he was a father? Did he abandon us to become a Sith Lord and regret it or...? Is there something about Leia and me that turned him?