Lion and Lace [Tom Hiddleston]

Episode 41

Tom

I'm quite certain I'm having an out of body experience.

We're naked in a pool, Bec's wild curls are piled atop her head and her soft, smooth legs are wrapped around my hips. The sun has almost completed its arc for the day and is bathing everything in pink and orange, reflecting off the glass that surrounds us.

I've just made love to the beautiful angel in my arms, her cheeks still carry the blush of afterglow and my now flaccid dick still presses against her pussy. And then, without planning, or a ring, or any of the grand pomp and ceremony I'm sure I was supposed to arrange, I proposed. In hindsight, I should at least have had a diamond band to present to her, or some words to preface the demand – and it did come out more demand than question – or perhaps played a song, hired a skywriter, something to bring her to tears and cement this moment forever in her heart, ensure that as long as we live and whatever becomes of us this is a milestone she won't forget.

I don't give a flying fuck about any of that. Right here, this is perfect. OK, it slipped out a little sooner than I intended, but I've never been so sure of anything in my life. She's agreed to share my home, but it's not enough. She is my home. She is my world, my universe, my life.

I probably could have used those words, and I probably could use them now, but I'm positive neither of us are ever going to have trouble remembering exactly how the proposal went down. She's looking at me like I have two heads, but I must have done something right because the tears are welling in her gorgeous green eyes.

She blinks and looks away, but I see them spill down onto her rosy cheeks as she catches her quivering lip in her teeth. I reach to her mouth and drag it out with my thumb, trying to break the spell, willing her to say something. She's been silent too long.

A bird cries out only a few metres away, and I almost don't hear her sob before she covers her mouth with her hand. I'm so confused I almost don't notice her legs release me and fall away, just as she's so subtle about it I almost don't see the shake of her head.

"I..." This time the side to side movement of her head is unmistakeable, as is the regret in her thick, broken voice. "I can't."

I'm 99% certain she's not already married, there's no physical or legal barrier preventing her, so what she really means is that she won't. I don't understand, and I'm a fool for doing this without the appropriate preparation, and I'm irrationally angry that she would be so careless as to say 'can't' instead of 'won't'. For christ's sake, she's a journalist. She knows the fucking difference.

I don't say any of that, though. My brain is broken, my heart is broken, and they're both working overtime to rectify the situation as best they can, so what comes out after a long and painful silence is simply: "OK."

Rising out of the pool I feel cold for the first time as the breeze blows over my wet skin. "Tom, wait." She follows me as I wrap a towel around my hips and shake the water from my hair.

"It's fine, just... forget about it. I ambushed you and I shouldn't have."

"No, that's not-"

"Bec, please." Painful as it is I force myself to turn and face her, to take her face in my hands and kiss those sweet lips. "I'm trying to escape with some dignity here. I mean it, it's fine. I'm going to have a shower and then we can head down for a drink."

God knows I'm going to need more than one.

I think she wants to say something but I don't give her a chance, I genuinely want out of the situation altogether. As I stand under the hot water I get to wondering why, what I did wrong, how i could have made sure she said yes. How can I be so certain if she doesn't feel the same? I was so confident she did feel the same, was I wrong?