Lion and Lace [Tom Hiddleston]

Episode 17

A/N: Trigger warning for description of pregnancy loss in this chapter.

I'm standing in the kitchen enjoying the light breeze marking the end of a hot and humid day. The sounds of celebration float in with the wind, alerting me to the fact that the day is a special one full of reflection and gazing forward into the year ahead.

"New year's eve would be a pretty cool birthday, huh?" I say to Nathan. He has his head in the fridge and I'm not sure he hears me.

"It sure would. Found it." He says triumphantly holding up a bottle of Moet. As the fridge door closes I see the calendar and notice BABY! written in large green letters on today's date. I feel a twisting deep in my stomach and absentmindedly rub just below my navel.

Nathan hands me a glass and I watch the infinite flow of bubbles rising from the bottom and bursting at the top before I take a sip and feel it fizz down my throat.

"I was saving that just in case you came home. And then you couldn't drink it." Nathan laughs, setting the bottle down on the bench. "Are you all packed?" He gestures to the large suitcase at the door.

"Yes. And ready as I'll ever be. Are you sure you don't mind dropping me off in the morning? It's early and you'd probably rather sleep in."

"Of course I don't mind. It's not like I'm out partying tonight and will be hungover. Are you nervous? Excited?"

"Both. I'm finally doing it."

"And you'll be great. I'm really glad you stayed, Becca. I know you could have gone a couple of months ago."

"I think we needed some time and we needed to do this together, don't you?"

"I do. I'm excited for you. Prue must be getting excited to see you."

"I think between Prue and Rach I've had twenty texts today. They're so sweet, I've missed them."

"Not much longer and you'll see them."

We sit on the back deck and finish the rest of the bottle against a soundtrack of party whistles and terrible renditions of Auld Lang Syne. When midnight strikes we can see the sky lighting up with fireworks over the harbour, hear the explosions piercing the night like gun fire. Nathan looks over at me with tears in his eyes and takes my hand.

"I will always love you, Bec. Remember that. What you've been through this year; the shock, the guilt, the hospital stays, the grief, the healing, has just shown me how strong you are. So go to London and make your dreams happen."

"I love you, too. I'm always just a phone call away if you need to talk. I wouldn't have got through without you." I smile at him as the deep boom of the fireworks slows and stops, leaving the sky hazy with smoke. "I think we did us proud. Us and our baby boy. You are going to make a fantastic dad one day, Nath."

"We did, didn't we. We should get to bed if you have to be at the airport at seven."

That night we huddle together in our bed for the last time. Not as a couple, but as grieving parents trying to get through a tough landmark day, clinging to someone familiar to ride out the storm.

When February rolls around I'm getting the hang of properly living in London, even to the point where my flat has furniture and a kitchen I regularly cook meals in. After a discussion with Rachel about my hot mess state last time around she convinced me to have a minor image adjustment, so I've cut my hair to my shoulders and had some highlights and it literally makes me feel lighter than when I arrived.

We're sitting in a cafe on a lazy Saturday morning, chatting animatedly about the charming man she's been dating when she looks over my shoulder and the colour drains from her face.