grains; poetry

Fear

I am afraid of  living life,
Of flashes - moments left behind,

You must move on, that's all is said.
But how could I? How can I dare?
And being honest... Do I want to?
Forgetting everything used to?
No way, no chance, we all it know tho, -
Living by past, is it that bad?
Who said it is "not right", "invalid"?
What if I can't just left it back?

My mind refuses never ending,
Regrets 'n pain or sort of dreams?
But you know what? Nothing is real, -
That's what we feel and not we live
We dwell on things I cannot handle
That's all so new and strange
                                            and scaring.

And yes, of course, I am awaring,
I'm just a one dumb silly Kid,
Who just don't want to leave it there,
And no one cares what had it felt,
When all you have is some sparks left,
From bright crystals that helped you one day.
Don't judge, don't hate and don't name "that":
"Cut cakes, not wrists."
"We all are people."
"Create yourself and love ur being."

Support I have... How can forget I?
Maybe it's better dwell on dreams?
(They are lucid tho, I don't want go)
Than being hurt by who you see?
Maybe it's better living past,
Than being choked by your own dust?

***

I am sorry, this one is sorta messy but emotions hidden between the lines are really powerful, just believe.
Maybe it's the reason the whole thing is a mess actually.
This one stared from the phrase "Cut cakes, not wrists" said by Troye Sivan in one of someone's YT videos  about depression. Then I was just thinking (maybe crying at the same time) all about the things waiting for me, and I was haunted by constant thoughts that it won't be what I expect. And I'm not ready to have everything fell down again.
Everything changes so fast, how can people even handle this? Crazy thing, really.
Anyway, cannot be more grateful to everyone who reads this, thank you.