Living the Dream

Part 1

The bus was driving through the hills and mountains of the foreign terrain. I was sitting in the window seat somewhere in the middle, my head was leaning against the glass while I stared outside. The landscape was beautiful as we traveled through the mountainous terrain of the Czech Republic. I could see clouds in the valleys below and high in the sky above us. The sun was out, making it a really nice day in late September. It was still early in the morning, but already it was getting warm inside the bus. But even for September it could be pretty chilly at times being up so high.

Next to me sat a girl, slightly younger than me. She had nice strawberry blond hair and listened to the name of Brenda. She was talking to the girls behind her and on the opposite of the aisle. She had been talking ever since we had left the hotel a few hours ago. Brenda was apparently the life of the party. Everyone liked her instantly, I thought sarcastically staring at her reflection in my window. She had been reluctant to sit next to me, but as all other seats near her new friends were taken, she had little choice. And it wasn’t that she had said anything harsh or insulting. In fact she had hardly spoken two words to me at all since we had all met at the beginning of our little holiday. But the look she gave me was one that spoke volumes. I was used to that look. I had come across various types of the look in my life. The look at said 'I don't like you, I'm ignoring you'. I used to just smile at people who gave me that look. But since that didn’t work anyway, I just avoided eye contact all together with such people and therefore I remained staring out of my window. I was ignoring her, like she was ignoring me. It was probably beneath her anyway to say something friendly to someone like me. In front of me sat two guys, also talking. But instead of the girl’s topic, which was about the cute guys who were on this trip, they talked about work. Of all the people here, it seemed impossible that they actually were doing the same kind of job, working their way up to accountancy. It was boring to listen to too, to both of the conversations.

I was wondering why the heck I was here - in this bus - in the first place. Well, obviously, I knew why I was here. I was on a single’s Holiday. But I really hadn’t thought it would’ve turn out this way. Surrounded by other single people, stuck in a bus on a holiday to get to know people; make friends and all that. I wasn’t good at making friends. I smiled sadly to my reflection in the window. Or maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be friend-material. I had tried. I really had. I always tried. I had tried to make friends with the girls while we were discovering Germany, I had tried to talk to some of the guys but I soon had gotten the idea they didn’t like me at all, so I stop hanging out around them and kept to myself instead. A classic mistake, I know. They all made these groups so quickly. I didn’t fit in, so I was just left out. There were about 20 people in our little holiday group. And every group has the odd one out, and I guess I was precisely that for this trip. I felt like I was back in freaking high school. Nothing changed much in my life, I thought sarcastically. I know I needed to change something and this trip was going to help me, or at least I wanted it to help me. However, so far this whole holiday was not living up to my expectations.

It wasn’t that I disliked everyone on this trip, I never really disliked people. But there must be some reason people didn’t like me. And I was on this trip because in my experience with men - or women for that matter - I had just decided against all of them. My mom had actually signed me up for this holiday. “It’s because you are single,” she had said. “And not only are you single, you are lonely, a mom and single! Nothing good will come of it!” That was her opinion. And so I kind of had no choice. Thirty something and I was shipped of on the single’s Holiday through Europe by my own mom. Life was never weird and hectic. But since my mum thought that it was time for me to find someone special, it had been hectic. She really was hoping for the best. Like this trip was going to be impressive enough to change my few of men – or maybe she hoped I started liking the human race all together. I didn’t really think I was that negative towards men or women, but after being hurt by several of them, you couldn’t blame a girl for being skeptical of people and having her defenses up. And my daughter, being twelve had thought it was the greatest idea of all times.

The ages of the people on this trip varied from about eighteen to one woman in her fifties. That woman’s name is Carolin. She was so far the only one who had smiled at me and talked to me like a normal person. She hadn’t even looked funny at me. I didn’t know what I did wrong, but later on for some reason she took a dislike to me. Or maybe I was just imagining things. Despite of my struggles with people this was a nice group, though. It wasn’t like a high school trip, all though as I said, it sure felt like it at times. We had traveled through Germany for a few days ago. That had been fun and every one was still in good spirits. We hung around in bars and danced and drank. Or rather I had watched everyone else dance while I was drinking nice hot chocolate milk with Baileys in it. I love hot chocolate! Two nights ago we were in a bar and I was drinking my second hot chocolate. I felt a buzz in my head already from the amount of Baileys in ot. I drank so little normally, I didn’t need much alcohol to knock me out. One of the treats of being a single mom is that you can’t afford to get drunk much – having a little kid and a hangover didn’t work well together at all. So as a result, I hardly drank. I smiled at the memory, still staring outside the window. During the morning the mist-like clouds had evaporated revealing a small town down below where we were heading to. From where we were on the bus, it looked real tiny and I could see the church tower above all the houses and farms. It seemed idyllic and peaceful.

My thoughts returned to Germany. The bar tender at the club was the one who suggested the Baileys mix to me. The guy was sweet and smiled so often at me I would have bought whatever drink he wanted to pour me. He even topped my glass of chocolate with whipped cream. Carolin, who at that point still liked me, had shook her head. “It’s way too hot for a drink like that. It’s still summer. It’s not like it’s November.” I had shrugged, smiling back at her. “But it’s so good. You should taste it.” I offered her my glass. She took a sip and nodded. “It is very nice, but still, it’s no weather for hot chocolate,” she had said, taking another sip out of my glass. We continued to watch the rest of the group dance to music I couldn’t appreciate. I think it’s called RnB and the way people moved on it was not how I would dance to it. An older gentleman walked our way, or at least he looked like a gentleman. He was dressed in a suit and looked very handsome, but too old for my taste. I watched with amazement as he ordered a drink for himself and struck up a conversation with Carolin. He was German for sure and spoke English quite well. Carolin however tried her best to answer in German and he was quite impressed with either her knowledge or her effort. And she did her best to include me into the conversation. But like always, all I could do was just smile and listen. I hated to interrupt people when I wanted to say something. So I waited when I was spoken to, but that hardly ever happened. They talked animated for a while and then he asked if Carolin and her daughter would like the have another drink. Carolin and I smiled. Me being her daughter was a very fun referral, we thought, because we didn’t look like each other in the least bit.

After that, it didn’t take long for the two of them to disappear into the crowd. To either go dancing or sit somewhere alone. I was just finishing my drink when another was put in front of me. A gift from a secret admirer? The guy behind the bar smiled at me.