Douchestuck: A Homestuck Story

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Hello! While my other story is on hold, I decided to make another strong based off of an RP group that I'm in centered around the Homestuck AU, Douchestuck. In this AU, everyone's a douche. Everyone
Well, I hope you all enjoy!

Jane Crocker has been living in the same house for almost 18 years, and a lot had happened under this roof. And today, under this same roof, she was talking to a certain someone about their own personal matter.

"What do you mean you want to live here?" Jane asked the man in front of her. A few seconds ago, a flirt by the name of Jake English had knocked on her door asking if he could live with her and her little brother, John.

"What I mean is that I need a place to stay. I can't stay in my house, my parents hate me and want me out. I haven't even graduated!" Jake answered her.

"Why the fuck would your parents hate you so much, yet be completely fine with Jade?" Jade was Jake's little sister, a popular girl. She was either adored or hated by someone. There is no in between. Except for Jane, that is. She is the in between.

"It's some shit that happened years ago that my parents aren't over. And because of that, they want me to move out and find somewhere else to live." Jake replied in a somewhat hasty tone. "I talked to John about it, he seems fine with me living here. But I don't wanna live here without everyone's consent. So... can I live here? Just until I graduate?"

Jane thought about the situation. No doubt, she hated Jake English. He was a douche. He flirted with every girl and ended up breaking a girl's heart. She never trusted him. If anything, she could just leave him out here to sleep in his car. But she wasn't that rude. "Fine, do you have all your shit? Because I am not buying you more stuff. I have limited money."

Jake looked at her nervously. "I-uh... they didn't let me take anything except for a few clothes and my phone." Jake said sheepishly. "I could call Jade and asks her to bring me stuff, if that's okay."

Jane looked at the man in front of her with a mix of pity and hate. "Yeah that's alright, just as long as I don't have to spend money on your shit."

"Oh okay. And also, thank you for letting me stay here. I promise I won't try to piss you off constantly." Jake promised her. He got out his phone and called Jade, asked her about clothes and other necessary stuff, and hung up. Jake turned to Jane and told her, "She said that she'll deliver me some stuff like clothes and toilet paper, shit relating to that. Also, thanks again." Jake held her hand and shook it. "Can I come in?"

Jane was surprised by Jake's action. He did something she never would've expected him to do: perform a kind gesture. "Uh, yeah. You can come in." Jane got out of the way so he could enter the house.

John walked downstairs and saw Jake inside the living room. "Jane, did you actually let him live here?" He asks excitedly. Jake and him were really great friends at school

Jane leaned against the doorway. "Yeah. I can't let him live out there in the harsh world. He'd die before he ever got laid by Strider." Jane said.

"Jane!" Jake yelled in an offended tone.

"Awww yes! This is gonna be hella lit!" John shouted with excitement

"Did you just say 'hella lit'?" Jane asked. "Oh my god. I'm so fucking done with you."

"Jane!" John calls out. "It was a joke!"

"That's still damn weird though. Like, what the fuck does 'hella lit' even mean?" Jake asks him. Suddenly, someone knocks on the door. "Oh, that's probably Jade!"

Jake went over and opened the door. Surely enough, it was his sister. Jane walked over to them. Jake took several bags that Jade had given him. "I've got everything!" he says