Oblivion

twelve

I wouldn't cry. 

I couldn't cry.

He wouldn't want me to - he would want me to go out and get drunk, he would want me to be happy for him. He finally got what he wanted - a ticket out of this hell.

But I couldn't even do that, I couldn't do anything. His funeral is today.

Random people would come. Families that have never contacted him would come. It was all a facade, and I didn't want any part of it.

But for some reason, I was dressed in all black, with an alcohol flask in the small bag I was carrying.

Why was I going?

*****

Chairs lined up. People sitting. Offering their condolences. I don't give a shit.

Even though I was in the front seat, I hadn't looked at him. I couldn't see him - so dead - so lifeless.

Soon everyone was settled and the closest relative to Zayden came up.

"Zayden Stone was a beautiful soul-" 

You don't even know him.

"-much like his mother-"

She's dead.

"-with them now, he's happy."

He probably went to hell.

"-We love him. Now we have Jamie Heart coming up to give a few words."

With a sigh, I walked towards the podium. I could feel eyes on me.

I turned and faced everyone, looking at the speech I wrote.

I ripped it into pieces.

"Zayden was beautiful. But he wasn't kind. He wasn't selfless, he wasn't helpful - in the slightest-" 

I could hear the gasps.

"But besides all that he was still Zayden. He was beautiful. He changed me and made me into someone who I could be proud of. He picked me up from the ground and cleaned me up. I love him. I will always love him. Cancer is shit. Taking away people who don't deserve to be taken. But he's happy now - he's off from this hell."

Nobody clapped, and nobody screamed; it was quiet. I went over to his body and sucked in a deep breath. 

I wouldn't cry.

I couldn't cry.

I snuck the flask out and put it in between his hands - making sure it was out of sight. With that, I took my leave. 

I wouldn't stay for the burial, they wouldn't be burying Zayden anyways.

Zayden's gone, that's just a body without his beautiful soul.

~fin