Hold You Like I'm Going To Lose You (Septiplier)

Fix You

This is probably my new favorite chapter out of all of them. I'm trying to finish the story, since I only have a bit longer. But it kinda hurts because I love this story and it'll be one of the only ones I'll actually finish...  

Felix was packing.

For a moment, Jack didn't know what to say, just watching from the doorway as Felix continued to put his clothes into his suitcases.

Felix glanced up, giving a small scream and falling backwards as he saw Jack in the doorway.

"F-Fucking Christ, Jack!" Felix pressed his hand to his chest, hand tightening around his shirt.

"S-Sorry! Where are ya going...?" Jack asked, taking small steps into the room.

Mark's house was smaller than Jack's, so there was a lot of packing people in tight. Felix shared this guest room with Ken, sleeping on the bed while Ken used the air mattress.

The other was used by both Bob and Wade, with an air mattress for Wade.

Mark and Jack shared his room.

When Ryan and Matt were there, they used the two couches.

"Marzia's due date is soon. I have to be there for our baby." Felix answered, though he looked a little worried.

Jack grimaced, eyes looking away. Now he felt bad for two things...

"What's wrong...?" Felix asked suddenly, sidestepping the bed and getting close.

"I... I j-jus' fucked up..." Jack finally whimpered, going forward to grip Felix's shirt and sob.

Felix wrapped his arms around the smaller man, blinking in surprise. "What happened?"

"W-We... sh-showered tagether, a-an' I... I don't know what h-happened, I w-went too far...?" Jack's voice cracked and hitched at random intervals, sobs thumping through his chest.

"W-With... With Mark?" Felix asked, before quickly shoving Jack away and rushing out the room.

Jack winced a bit, wiping away the tears in his eyes and rushing to follow.

Jack breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of Mark holding onto Felix, unharmed.

Mark glanced up at Jack, a look of pride nearly unnoticeable in his eyes. Mark was proud of himself for not hurting himself.

Jack practically fell to his hands and knees, thanking whatever the fuck was above. "I-I'm sorry, Mark..."

"No, no, it's my fault... I-I just got scared... It was after a shower, we were getting too close too fast, a-and it kind of reminded me of something."

Jack shakily hugged himself, mumbling apologies and 'I love you's over and over, until Mark had finally detangled himself from Felix, who immediately left the room once he had, and went down to hug Jack.

"It's alright, I love you too, Jack... I'm sorry." Mark mumbled, holding him close.

Jack hugged back tightly, arms wrapped around Mark's waist. "Why...?"

"Because you think you have to walk on eggshells around me... All of you do... God, I was so good before. A little over half a year of being happy... I was sleeping! I wasn't hurting myself, I was happy... And then you needed me and I forced myself to not go through with what I really wanted to do to myself because you needed me... And it was ok, I pretended I was fine... Went a little crazy, took advantage of you way to fucking much... But I didn't want to die... And then I had a passing thought that after this you won't need me, or want me, or want to ever be around me again and I sent myself into this fucking hell! I'm sorry that you thought any of this was your fault, but all of it was mine. I took advantage of you and I let myself numbly go through motions that weren't me! I h-hurt... I hurt you... I fucked up so much that honestly I wouldn't even be surprised if all of you hated me... I wouldn't b-be surprised if you left me, even though we're dating and you basically proposed to me."

"O-On accident..."

"Yeah, I know... God, Jack, the point is I'm dead! I have been for a long time. A-And I don't think even you could bring me back to life."

Jack stared up at him for the longest time, before he detached his arms from around Mark's waist and reached up to curl his fingers gently through Mark's still wet, silky scarlet/black hair.

"... Mark, I was pretty much dead too. I've b-been through hell... And I worry about you constantly... But I love you. With all my heart. So let me try ta fix you, ok? L-Let me... Let me heal ya... Let me be yer remedy."

Mark let out a small, humorless laugh. "If I had to pick my poison, it'd be you."

Jack gave a half smile that didn't really convey any happiness, forcing himself to stand and help Mark up too.

Jack reached down to kiss Mark's scarred arm, running his fingers along a jagged one trailing down his arm instead of across.

"You're not broken, Mark. I promise. Yer jus' not perfectly ok, and no one is. I'm going to help you. You'll see."

Mark swallowed dryly, chocolate eyes looking away as he tried to think of something to say, anything to say. His hand shook as Jack continued to hold his arm, staring up at him with ocean eyes.

And then Mark burst into tears.

Jack let Mark sink down to sob into his shoulder, held onto his waist as Mark sobbed wordlessly.

Jack felt his shirt start to get wet from Mark's tears and undoubtedly his snot and spit too, but Jack didn't care, just holding onto the American as he shook, violently.

Tiredly, Mark finally inclined his head, and mumbled a thank you.

Jack rubbed his back gently, turning his head to live a kiss on Mark's jaw.

"You're welcome... I love ya with all my heart."

Mark grinned, eyes slightly dull from tiredness and the emotional strain this had put him on, but happy nonetheless.

"Jack, can w-we go to sleep?"

Jack snorted, nodding his head a bit.

"... but Mark, I wanted to talk to you about somethin'... a-apologize fer something..."

"You have nothing to apologize for." Mark waved him off, starting to detangle himself from Jack and climb into their bed.

"... Mark, yer not weak."

Mark glanced up, tilting his head a bit in confusion. "... a-alright...? I don't think I believe that very much but..."

"I thought you were weak..." Jack tried, voice cracking and dying out. He swallowed, clearing his throat.

Mark flinched a bit, looking away. His hands shook a small bit. The pride in himself he'd had before seemed like nothing compared to this crushing despair set deep in his brown eyes.

Jack shook his head, realizing how it sounded. "N-No, Mark, let me finish... I thought you were weak, b-but Felix explained somethin' too me... You've been goin' through hell for a long, long time... I-I've been going through it fer four years... You... You were made ta feel like nothin' by so many fuckin' people... I-I can't imagine how that musta hurt... I've been hurt a lot, Mark. I'm fine because I haven't... You're not fine now cause ya met th' end of what you can handle alone. Please, jus'... Yer so fuckin' strong, but ya need help now. I need help. L-Let's help each other."

Mark stared up at him, swallowing hard. He gripped onto the sheets tightly, exhaling shakily. Trying hard to just relax and answer, words not even sticking together in his mind.

"S-Say somethin'... Please..."

Mark glanced away, before laying down on the bed.

His answer came in a hushed whisper; "I'll give you the world. I'll give you every bit of strength that I can give just to lay in this bed with you tonight. Somehow you want to help me too?"

"Because I love you."

Mark smiled up at him, arm raising for Jack to climb in between his arms.

"Well guess what, Jack."

"What?" Jack asked, quickly climbing in and curling close to Mark.

"I love you too. Enough to believe that you can actually help me."