Dramione: An Impossible Fantasy [Being Edited]

Chapter 42: Truer Lies

DRACO

I sit there in the Great Hall, nodding to whatever Pansy is saying. I don't know if it's because the spell's worn off - which shouldn't even happen, seeing as I Obliviated her 'feelings' for me - but for the past few hours, she hasn't been glaring so hard and she's even smiled twice.

Blaise sits on her right, obviously wondering why she isn't stuffing his face with food. But neither of us have time to think about it, because Pansy begins to talk about what we'll do after Hogwarts.

It's a question that I'm definitely not ready for, and so I splutter a few times and say some random excuses. But it gets me thinking. What do I want to do when I leave Hogwarts?

A few months ago, I wouldn't have considered it at all. A few months ago, I felt as if the only thing I'd be able to do was continue whatever my father had been doing and try to survive. But now that Hermione's managed to get me thinking more about it..

I revel briefly in all the possibilities before me. I can honestly be whatever I want, and d*mn whoever tries to get in my way, I think triumphantly. Before everything, I'm a Malfoy, and a Malfoy doesn't just survive. They conquer.

I could even be an Auror.

The thought flies into my mind and vanishes so fast that I think I've imagined it. Seriously? some part of me asks myself. Fighting all your life against people that either want to hide forever or kill everyone in their way? Ridiculous. It'd be better to find a job that makes money, and fast.

But then again.. maybe it wouldn't be so bad to fight against those type of people. Maybe because..

I think of all those people I could potentially protect against criminals, and it reminds me of why I imagined a career as an Auror.

You're a bloody Malfoy. What makes you think the Ministry would ever accept you? the same voice scoffs.

I don't even have to think twice. I don't. But.. I do know that Hermione would believe in me, and that's all that counts, I realize, and the other voice finally goes quiet.

"..so I wanted to be a fashion designer," says Pansy, flicking back her hair. "But unless I had a hundred assistants - nope, it'd be too much work. So I considered a model, and.. I think that's a pretty good option. What do you think?" she asks me suddenly.

I'm caught off guard. At first, I want to nod mindlessly and agree, but then something makes me pause. "Pansy, if you want to work in fashion, you really should go for it. I know you'd be a great model.. but that's not a career for life, if you get what I mean. After a few years.."

I wonder if she'll get insulted, but instead she fixes her eyes on me thoughtfully. "That's something to consider," she says loftily. "But it'd never do to design fashions for muggles. I'd have to make the best, highly selective brands for purebloods only." Then she continues talking to Blaise, who eyes me in surprise. I shrug, as if saying, 'What can I say?'

I glance at the end of the table for the fifth time. What few Gryffindors that remained for the holidays sit there, including Potter and Weasley. My eyes move past the Weaslette and the girls she's talking to, before I let out a quiet sigh. Even though it's been only five hours since Hermione and Angela left, I still keep expecting them to return.

When I finish eating, I nod at Blaise and say goodbye to Pansy. She ignores me, but I can't care enough to repeat it. Instead, I head to my common room, where I get ready for patrolling the hallways. With a murmured incantation, my wand lits up very dimly and I set out.