smile. || joshler ||

Ch. 9

Immediately, Josh regrets his words. Tyler is trembling violently, repeatedly shaking his head, his voice comes out crackly as he protests,"I don't! I-I don't cut myself. I swear, I..I don't."

"Tyler...it's okay, I can help you, I told you this. Don't think I'm going to yell at you, I promise I won't. It's serious and if you don't let me help you, I'm going to have to tell my mom or so-"

"No!" He shouts, causing Josh to flinch. Never once has Josh heard Tyler speak so loudly, he's always mumbling ortalking slightly above a whisper.

Tyler's eyes are watering, "You can't tell a-anyone, please! No one can know."

Josh frowns,"So you do cut yourself."

The brown haired boy lowers his head in shame, nodding.

Josh reaches for Tyler's arm, and at first Tyler protests but soon he lifts his sleeve and Josh's breath hitches seeing many red lines going up his arm, many are fresh, like they were done the night before.

Each line is like a stab in Josh's heart, he didn't like seeing scars on the boys beautiful body.

Josh can hear sniffles coming from him and his heart breaks at the sight. Tyler's shoulders shake with small sobs and Josh hesitantly wraps his arms around him, he flinches but soon falls into Josh's chest, crying quietly while Josh whispers, "It's okay, I'm here for you Ty. Don't be ashamed, I...I've never dealt with this before, but I'm going to help you. I'll make sure you get better."

"Why do you care so much?" Tyler's voice is muffled, him speaking into Josh's shoulder.

He's never had anyone care much about him, no one knows he hurts himself, but now Josh does and he thought if anyone found out that they would call him a freak or send him to a mental hospital.

A small smile appears on Josh's face, "Because," He pulls Tyler' back slightly, pondering before wiping the tears that have fallen from his red eyes with his thumb.

Tyler blushes at the gesture, heart fluttering for an unknown reason.

Josh continues, "I care about you, and you may not believe it but it's true. I hate knowing you hurt yourself. It hurts me knowing you cause yourself pain."

Tyler whimpers out a confused, "Really?"

"Really," Josh nods. He rubs the smaller boys back softly, "And from now on, I'm going to be making sure you never do it again. But, you have to promise me you're going to try to stop okay? But first, I need to know why you do it."

"I...I don't want to t-talk about it," Tyler whispers, leaning his head on Josh's shoulder.

The action made Josh blush, and he asked, "Why? Maybe talking could help. I won't pressure you, I understand if it's hard, however sometimes it's hard because you bottled it up for too long. Perhaps if you let it out, then you wouldn't feel as bad anymore."

There was a silence for a moment, and Tyler soon sighed shakily, "I just feel alone, I guess? I don't...I don't have any friends. Not one. Everyone usually has someone to talk to. But, then there's me, who just sits at home in my room. I feel like if I died, no one would notice except my dad. And the kids at school, they just hate me so much and I don't know why, did I do something wrong? I've always failed when I tried, so I just gave up. I'm stupid and an idiot, I don't feel any reasons to go on. People hate me anyways, they tell me to die. So, why don't I just do it slowly, starting with cutting. I disappoint people, teachers, my dad, other kids, so I cut as a punishment. I deserve it. I deserve the pain I cause myself, I'm a big mistake."

Josh sat there speechless, staring at Tyler who sat there emotionless. He didn't like that, moments ago he was crying and now it's just like how he met him. Sitting there with a vacant look, not a look of sadness or happiness in his eyes, just emptiness.