Keep the Change, You Filthy Animal

Chapter 11

Jack.

-

My heart pounded. My palms went clammy. I was so lightheaded that I had to steady myself by sliding onto the floor and putting my head between my knees. This couldn’t be happening. Sure, Tracey wasn’t the one, but ALEX? Another GUY? What the hell was wrong with me? Well, us, I suppose. I guess there wasn’t really anything wrong with it. I’d never seen a problem with it, despite what my parents always told me. But I had always known I wasn’t gay. Or, at least, I thought it wasn’t even a possibility. But now…

I shut my eyes and massaged my temples. They were expecting me at Rian’s by now, there was no doubt about it. How was I supposed to face Alex now?  I slowly stood up just as my phone started ringing.

“Hello?” I said, totally forgetting to check the caller-ID.

“Hey, Jack; it’s Lex. Are you coming or what?! We’re bored out of our minds!”

That was when I realized that it wouldn’t be any different because I’d felt this way about Alex for a while now. It was just now that I let myself accept it. Nothing had to change – nothing would change. We could easily spend the rest of our lives wondering what would have happened if we “changed teams” for a while. It was no big deal. Really.

“Yeah, man. I’ll be there in like ten minutes.” I hung up in a slight panic.

But what if I DID act differently? What if it showed? What if I so much as looked at him for a split-second too long? Thinking back, it HAD happened a couple times before. As I boarded the bus, nervous butterflies burst into my stomach. What was happening to me? It was the same thing I’d felt when Tracey and I first met. My mom had called it lust. I had called it love. Was this love? Shit. Shitshitshit. It couldn’t be. There was no way.

Before I knew it, I was standing at the Dawsons’ front door. I had never been so nervous in my entire life. What would happen if Rian or Zack noticed? They both knew about Alex, but as for me, I was still an overly happy-go-lucky rich kid in a relationship. Which…I had just ended. Come to think about it, I hadn’t dwelled on our breakup once. Was I really moving on that quickly? I mean, I HAD been with Tracey for two years. Or was it three? Oops. How could I possibly forget her that quickly? Even I wasn’t THAT shallow.

In answer to my question, my mind wandered to Alex. I shook the thought from my head and came out of my little trance. I was still standing on the front porch. Who knows how long it had been since I got there. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and rang the doorbell. It was now or never, I suppose.

Alex.

-

To say that I was nervous about Jack and Tracey would be an understatement. I was downright TER-RI-FIED that the misunderstandings between them would go away and they’d realise how madly in love they were with each other, and then what?

Of course, it didn’t help that the two guys I was with both knew my little secret and were now communicating telepathically behind my back. We all acted like everything was just fine, but we all knew something was wrong. My worry was almost visible.

Jack was taking so long to come back. Rian’s basement was freezing even though it was hot outside. Apparently the AC was stuck. Even Zack had put his shirt back on.

The silence was starting to weigh on me. We had played some parts of songs we knew for a while, but we’d given up after ten minutes. The tension was just too high. We were sick of faking it. Besides, we weren’t able to synchronize like we did with Jack there.

I took another sip of my Coke. I was surprised it wasn’t just a block of brown ice by now.

Rian cleared his throat. “So…” Oh, no. “You know, huh?” It wasn’t really a question, just a confirmation. He looked at Zack. I knew exactly what he was talking about.