Keep the Change, You Filthy Animal

Chapter 3

Alex. 

- 

Happiness, anger, laughter, sadness, peace, confusion, life. Death.  

I had never thought of all these things like I did now. Now, when I was about to lose all of them but the last one, all I did was philosophise. What were these things to me? What were they to anyone? What would happen once they disappeared and I was left with nothing but nothing.  

Still, as always, I reached the simple conclusion that I just didn't care. It didn't really matter if I died, right? It wouldn't make much of a difference to the world. Rian would survive without me - maybe even better than he did now. Who else knew I existed? 

Well, there was that Russian fellow, but the fact that he knew of my existence was the reason I was gonna get killed in the first place.  

You see, there was no way I was coming up with eight hundred and fifty dollars in four days. It was simply not gonna happen. Unless I robbed a bank. But as a law-abiding citizen I would never do that - and also because I didn't really feel like going to jail.  

I had other possibilities to avoid - or partly avoid - a painful death, for example moving to another country, or forging myself a new identity. Meet Riley Butler, age twenty-six, from northern Canada, eh? 

But in all seriousness, I was gonna die. 

Well, there was also Jack. He'd called me up - countless times - to plainly ask if he could GIVE me the money I needed - God knows why - but that possibility wasn't even worth mentioning. I was not going to stretch my palm out and be HANDED a pile of cash from an excessively generous and stupid stranger. I don't know, I guess I was just too proud for that. I had survived through life for twenty-one years; I wasn't giving up on my dignity now, to beg for a second chance. Not to mention that I had no desire to be indebted to others. I was a lone wolf. 

"Alex..." 

"No," I said again. "Forget it dude, I'm not taking your money." 

Jack huffed a sigh of frustration. No sound came from the phone for a few seconds so I decided to take over the conversation.  

"Hey, you wanna check out my band?" 

"You're in a band!?" he almost squealed. I guess changing the topic wasn't so hard after all. 

"Uh, three, actually." I kept from adding 'but they all sound like crap' in order to stretch out my moment of glory. Check it out: the panhandler is impressing the law-school rich kid.  

"WHOA! That's so RAD!" Jack sounded like he would explode any second. Hehe. Nice boost for my self-esteem. "When can I uh, I mean, where can..." 

"Tonight at eight-ish at the Nova Club in downtown Baltimore. Don't be fooled by the name though, it's actually super shitty." Just had to make sure he wouldn't expect some fancy Ritz Club or anything. 

"Ok," he said simply. Who knew? Maybe he would actually show up. I hoped the, uh, unhealthy environment wouldn't have any traumatic side-effects on his poor sanitized soul.  

"Awesome! See ya there?" 

"Sure! Hey, Alex?" Oh no, what now? "You sure about the money...?" 

"Yeah, Cat-Lady, I'm sure."  

And then I hung up. All I could do was hope that I hadn't just accidentally committed suicide by declining his offer once and for all. Heh. 

Jack. 

- 

I hung up the phone in frustration. "Fuck," I muttered, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do. After Alex's little 'encounter' with that strong guy, he told me everything: the lack of money, the shitty band, the prostitutes, everything. I had promised to help him in any way that I could. The smile that lit his face when I said that made me weirdly happy.