Hearts

58~Reason To Stay

Reason To Stay ~ Olivia Dean

You said, "A misunderstanding that's all it was"
I should believe you, we can't build love on a lie
But I'm starting to doubt you, I wonder why

If you say you love me, don't go and waste my time
If you want my love you better mean it
One of these days, if you can't behave
I'm leaving if you leave me no reason
If you say you love me, don't go play on my mind
If you promise me you better keep it
One of these days, if you can't behave
I'm leaving if you leave me no reason to stay

(Someoka)
I woke up as I had everyday for the past week or so since Han and I decided to keep our distance, he'd been sleeping on the sofa since that day. The bed was so cold, I missed having my little brunette to cuddle with at night, he was always so warm, now it was just me. Me alone.

I made my way downstairs, peering into the living room to see Handa; he was clutching the blanket tightly, body rising and falling slowly with each breath he took. I smiled, making my way over. I lightly brushed a stray lock of hair away from his face before retracting my hand quickly-he had been crying.

His cheeks were stained with tear lines. I know how hard this has been for him, he tries to act like he's fine, keeps telling me he's okay-but I know he's not.

"Someoka?" I looked down to see his eyes flutter open, I would have wiped his tears away but I knew I couldn't do that at the moment. I gave him a small smile and was about to walk off when he grabbed my hand "Um, I've decided that I need to look for a job. I know you wouldn't like, kick me out or something but I just think I've overstayed my welcome a bit. I want to save up a bit, so I can get my own place. I don't want to have to be dependent on you anymore-I'm an adult, I need to look after myself now. So if I get a job that's a start, then at least I can move out...move on...so you don't have to worry about me anymore." He spoke quietly, looking down the entire time, I frowned, lifting his chin so he was facing me.

"Han, you don't have to rush into something like that, you've been through a hell of a lot, just relax. We'll sort something out, I don't mind you staying here." He shook his head.
"But you would mind. Besides, this isn't going to stop unless I completely detach myself from you." I knew exactly what he meant, this whole 'keeping our distance' thing really wasn't working, he still had feelings for me...and I still had 'feelings' of some sort for him.

"So what are you thinking of?"
"Well I like books...and I saw that the library is looking for a new librarian..." I lifted my eyebrow, not intentionally, I just didn't expect that to be his answer. "I know it's not all that exciting but, I just think it will help. I need something to keep me busy and occupied, a bit of routine. It will be nice to just be able to enjoy some peace and quiet for a change."

He spoke so quietly, his eyes glassy and unfocused as if he was off in another land, he was though, in a way; didn't really seem all 'here' at times, I'd sometimes find him just sitting on the stairs, staring at the door, or other times he'd be staring out of the window, wouldn't answer when I asked him something, weird things like that. He needs to get out more, a job would help.

"I did try to get a job, when I was with Kaido I mean. Because I'm not a freeloader y'know?" He scratched his head awkwardly. "After a couple of months living with him I got a job in a kitchen, as a waiter but...well Kaido said I was no good at it. That I'd only mess things up." He gave me a soft, sad smile before lowering his head and playing with the blanket. "He kept saying it so much and I kinda lost my confidence- I was only there for a couple weeks before I quit, I barely made anything. Besides, Kaido didn't like that it meant I always got back late, and he hated the fact that I'd made a friend there. So I suppose it was inevitable..."