Midnight flashes

Why

Hey! So if any of you are wondering, this story is based entirely off my own experiences, most of which are due to a kind of sad thing that happened in the last few weeks- it turns out that to one of my closest friends, I am but another distraction and annoyance in their life, and they want nothing to do with me anymore. Which just simply leaves me asking 'why'.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and please comment about anything you liked or if you have any improvements! Also excuse some of this because I wrote it at 2am- you know those times when you can't sleep and your mind starts running over everything again and again like a reel of film from an old camera, and it all just becomes a little too much? Yeah, that.
~Anna

When I met you first, I was a different me.
Uncomfortable with myself and afraid to be
The one to stand out in the blur of the crowd.
Changing myself, despite my thoughts screaming as loud
As a carnival bear running along the crashing waves.
It was like I was suffocating like a flame so brave-
Ly spluttering as the oxygen dies away
Until you came along and breathed new air.
As if you almost seemed to care.
It was one of the first times my interests were noted
Not scoffed at or laughed at or gloated
About. Our small pile of memories grew
Into mountains and valleys and seas so blue.
Almost the colour of your crystal sky eyes.
But as time went on you could hear my sighs
As I realised you meant more to me than I to you.
But I faked oblivion and our friendship grew.
Or so it seemed at that warm sunny time
As we laughed and sang and stood in line
To see our idols and sobbed into arms
And filmed videos to look back on when we're calm.
We both changed over those sweet few years
But we changed together and kept each other near.
However as more time began to draw on
My attempts at comfort were in vain and a smile you didn't don.
You'd look at me, your sky eyes as cold as a storm
And tell me to leave you alone and would scorn
As I helplessly held tight to every shred of memories of ours
And look at you like you held the moon and stars.
All of those late night secrets whispered into ears
All confessions of our loves, hopes and fears
Seemed to melt away into pools on the floor
As you screwed up my soul into a ball and made sure
That I would never trust anyone as readily and as soon
As I had trusted you, and your little stars and the moon.
More weeks passed our busy lives by
And what had once been conversations dried into lies.
After days and days of nothing being said
I get a torrent of anger and hate, straight from your head.
You think I'm a waste of space, an irritation, a bore
You wish you'd never started talking to me even more.
You seem to hate the me that is truly me
For you think I'm just a cheap imitation of what I see.
You want me to be different, to keep my space
But the reality is you helped me to find my own pace.
I'm not trying to be you or wearing a mask
What you see is what you get and I'm as clear as glass.
You influenced me and altered me and for that I'm glad
But I am me and you are you, gifted at some things and at others, bad.
But still my three am thoughts still flit over your face
Your voice, your eyes, your words like lace
Or a spiders web, in which I've been caught in
My emotions and feelings being tugged and toyed with.
Despite my blocking everything out, my mind is a sieve
Our memories escaping as tears down my cheeks
In the middle of the night when nobody speaks.
But I speak. And I say
'Why'.