Fly ∆way Girl

|26|

|MISGUIDED GHOSTS|

The library was dark and empty, but it was still better than being in my parent's bedroom. I can't be anywhere near that house right now, things are not okay there. Things are bad there; I can feel it.

It's like watching a horror movie on the edge of your seat because you know something bad is bound to happen at any second. No one has to tell you that it's a horror movie, you can just tell by the vibe it puts off. I'm getting bad vibes from my childhood home...

So yeah, I'm alone in the library now. I'm pretty sure I spent a lot of time in here when I was alive because my spirit is drawn to it now. Anytime I need to think, or need alone time, I end up here.

Josiah knew. I could see it in his eyes. He knew how I felt, his brown eyes were sad for me.

He knows me so well, we don't need words to communicate. I don't know how, but he knows me.

I didn't bother to tell him where I was going, he'll show up when I need him, at the exact moment. He's good like that.

But for now, I need a chance to breathe, to process my thoughts and feelings. The memories are wearing me out. There are so many things I missed, so many things that I didn't know about.

I'm worried I can't handle it. Wonder if the truth is too much for me? I've been searching for it so long, I never stopped to think if I wanted to know my whole story. I'm beginning to wonder if I will regret it. It's not a good thing to look into every crack of your past, and digging out the bad things.

Some things should just stay hidden; some secrets need to stay unknown. There's a reason I don't remember all this, my mind is protecting me; shielding me from the wrath of my dark past.

The more memories I relive, the more troubled my spirit gets. I'm debating on whether I should just stop now and move on to wherever I'm headed without knowing. Maybe my mental armor should just stay on.

But then again, could I really let that happen? Could I move on without knowing, without figuring out how I got here?

The answer is no. I can't move on without understanding myself. I need to find myself.

I'll just tell Josiah I need a break from reliving my reality.

Suddenly, someone cleared their throat in the library. I wasn't alarmed, I knew it was him.

"Hey there." He said when he knew I could see him.

I retucked my legs into my chest, forming a pink sweatered ball.

He joined me in the floor. "Are you okay?"

I hoped he wouldn't notice the evidence of tears on my face. "Not really." I said.

"What's wrong?" His eyes were so warm, I could almost feel actual heat radiating from him.

"It's getting too hard."

"What is?"

Why does he even bother to ask? I know he knows the answer. "These memories, they weren't what I thought they would be."

"I warned you." He returned.

"I know, I think I underestimated the severity of it."

His face morphed into a kind smile. "Do you want to stop?"

Do I? "No." I answered him and myself. "I just wish we didn't have to go over so much of it. I can't stand wondering what they are building up to."

"I see. We could skip to the really important parts if you want, but it might be a bit of a shock."

"Okay, that sounds a little more bearable...I think." Although shocks aren't usually good...