Fly ∆way Girl

|28|

|GHOST|

I just want to be dead. Like dead dead. Gone. At this point, I don't care where I go. As far as I'm concerned, this is the bad place. This is the terrible place. I can't imagine anything worse than this.

I miss Larson; even if he wasn't real. I miss his stupid jokes, and morbid comments. I miss how he made me feel better about myself.

I feel like I could sink under the waves with him. I feel like that's where I belong.

The stars aren't so bright anymore. Maybe they never were. Maybe I imagined that too. I used to love their vastness, and their mystery, but now, they make me feel small and insignificant.

Josiah laid down next to me. His hood was folded over his head, but I could still see the puff beneath his eyes. He had been doing some major crying, maybe more than me.

I hesitated to speak to him. He doesn't have much good news to share lately, and I didn't want to risk bringing more out. But after a while, the quiet was worse than my fear of bad news.

"Why are you upset?" I asked him.

He inhaled deeply. "I've been strong for you Harley. But the truth is, all of this hurts me too."

How selfish of him to say that. "You're not the one who just watched your father murder your mother and then get arrested." I said bluntly. "How can you say that it hurts you?"

His eyes didn't leave the stars. "I see everything Harley. I could see the actions leading up to it, I could hear all of their thoughts. To see the people I love get hurt like that, it's...hard. You don't know how it feels to watch people grow up. To see them learn from their mistakes; and to see every smile they ever had. To watch them meet, and fall in love, have kids of their own... I knew what was going to happen from the beginning, but it still hurts me everytime they don't choose wisely."

He's lost it. Josiah has lost his mind. What the heck is he talking about?

"I was there everytime you shed a tear, Harley. I cried with you though you didn't know I was there. I took care of you even though you weren't paying attention. You just...you just don't understand. There is so much you may never see..."
He was beginning to tear up again.

"You're right, I don't understand." I said quietly.

"You can though. It's in your control if you want it to be."

I'm still not sure of his point.

"The dark place isn't the only place. You don't have to go there if you don't want to."

Who would choose to go to the dark place? Why would anyone want to go there?

"You'd be surprised how many choose it everyday."

I'm pretty sure he could give me an exact number if I asked. "I don't want to go to the dark place, so what's the other options?"

"Just one other option." He said. "But, the only way to get there is to keep going. We have several more memories to get through."

My heart sunk at that thought. More terrible memories? Could they possibly get any worse?

"None are as bad as the last one." Josiah said. "But many come close."

I wish he didn't add that last part on. I wanted at least a few seconds of relief. But, I also want to go to the other place he told me about, so I have to get through these awful memories.

"Did my dad go to prison?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Is he still there?"