Fly ∆way Girl

|36|

|SORROW|

It took a total of seven seconds. Seven, momentous seconds. That's too little, too small a fraction of my entire life. That's all I could think. How could such a tiny portion of my unfortunate life be the turning point? How could the last straw happen in just seven seconds? It...It isn't fair. It's not right; it can't be. My whole world can't just shatter in seven, minuscule seconds.

But, it was, literally. Glass and metal and whatever else that was in the Jeep exploded around us in a petrifying heap.

I've never felt more absent, yet I've never felt more human. So many emotions flooded over me in those seven seconds, I can't distinguish any of them. I can't remember one from another, or recall how they felt. That's why I had to cut them off; shut them down before they got too painful.

I can only explain the absent part of it. As I watched the contents of the Jeep become airborne, I sat unaffected. The bursting glass didn't cut my skin, the smoke didn't burn my lungs, and the continuous crash against pavement didn't bruise my body. I didn't have a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, or a panic in my scream. I wasn't really there; I wasn't really human, not anymore. That's been proven to me multiple times, but this time, it hit harder than ever.

The sounds had been tuned out along with the feelings, until we were still. The silence and stillness somehow reawakened me.

I assessed the situation as quickly as possible as if I could do something. I went into human mode briefly, attempting to help, but I have to remember that what happened in the memory is already set in stone, there is no changing it. So, I sat still.

Harley was the first thing to move in the quiet Jeep. Without the lights, I could hardly see, but I knew that the Jeep had landed back on what used to be the tires.

"What happened?" I asked josiah.

I turned to look up at him and immediately regretted it. Tears streamed from his eyes, he made no attempt to hide them. In fact, they were the only thing about him that moved. He stared blankly through what was left of the spider-webbed windshield.

If he's acting this way, then something bad happened.

Baylor! I haven't checked on him yet.

His head was turned over to his right shoulder and his body slumped in the seat, held up only by the tattered seat belt. I noticed it had actually sliced through the skin on his neck a bit. His hair lay flat, finally tamed by thick, oozing liquid that coated his dark locks.

Harley turned to him as she shook herself back into reality. Her bloody hand was up to his neck, I assume checking for a pulse. I didn't have to wait for an answer from her, Baylor was gone. I knew not because he was badly banged up or because he lay unnaturally in his seat; I knew because his smile was gone. The twinkle in his eyes was gone. His freckles were overpowered by tiny cuts all over his face. His dimples didn't show, nor did his laugh lines. Everything that made him Baylor had vanished.

I made the decision to officially cut off all emotions. I have to just watch the memory and get through the next few hours, then I'll be dead anyway; done with this terrible quest.

I dispassionately watched what was certainly the most heartbreaking moment of my short human life.

I didn't have to guess that at all, because Harley expressed it. She screamed his name until her voice became hoarse, then she cried over his lifeless body. She begged him to wake up with both hands around his bruised face. She beat her fist against the dash board while yelling at no one in particular.

"It isn't fair! Take me instead!" She screamed. "Baylor, please wake up." She had folded herself over onto his chest. Her words were muffled, but I could still make them out. "I can't do this without you. None of it. I just...can't. We have to stay together, you said that yourself. I won't let you break your promise."