Nate Maloley imagines

struggles.

Request: Can you do an imagine with nate where him and the reader have been together since high school and he knows about her history with cutting and thinks she's recovered?

trigger warning: mentions of self-harm, self-harm scars

Nate and I have always been close. Freshman year, we were best friends. By the time senior year rolled around, best friends became something a little more, and I considered him my high school sweetheart. Now I was a sophomore in college, while he was living out his dreams. It all worked out perfectly.

This kid knew just about everything about me. I've told him things that not even my closest family member knew. Which I guess could be a good and bad thing, but we trusted each other. So when he found out about my self-harm issues in high school, he was never not there for me. Of course, I appreciated it, but I don't think he ever fully understood the depth of my problem.

See, my habits began in middle school. How and why aren't the main focus here. Nate shouldn't have even found out; he saw my cuts when accidentally barging into my room while I was trying to cover them up one time in freshman year. From that point on, he was always looking at my wrists and always asking if I was okay. Then we started dating that summer, and I couldn't be happier. He was an even better boyfriend than he was a best friend. I stopped cutting by the end of that year, and on New Year's I was proud to tell him that I had been five months clean.

He thought I had gotten better. Hell, I thought I had gotten better. But old habits die hard, and it was difficult not to fall into the hole again when times became rough. My depression kicked up again the summer after graduation. There was no real reason for it; I just began to feel incredibly hopeless and weighed down again. Only this time, I never told Nate. The only thing I actually did get better at was hiding my cuts and faking my happiness.

Now two years later, I find myself destroying my upper thighs and facing the guilt of lying straight to Nate's face. We haven't even been intimate for a long while just because I was too paranoid that he'd see them. It's a miracle that he hasn't grown suspicious by now. I knew the truth was bound to surface, but for the time being, all I want to worry about is keeping Nate happy.

Which brings us to the current situation. We were cuddling on the couch watching TV after a long day at the studio. It was my spring break, and so far, we haven't really done anything else, but I never minded. Any time spent with Nate was golden since our schedules called for long periods of separation and/or work. It wasn't as bad as other situations, luckily.

"Let's do something tonight, babe." Nate muttered huskily as he lifted his head off my lap and turned towards me. I reached up and ran my hand through his hair, smiling groggily.

"Like what?" Rather than verbally answering, he smiled as he leaned forward to press his lips to mine. "Mm. Okay, what does that mean?" I questioned innocently, letting out a giggle when he poked at my side.

"It's been a while.." He reminded, causing my smile to dim because I knew the reason. "And Sammy won't be home for a few days, so we've got complete privacy. It's the perfect time." Of course I wanted to do it. He was right; the time was perfect, and I wasn't sure when we'd ever get alone time like this again. However, the day-old cuts on my thighs taunted me as I looked at him. I could have used the tired excuse, but I've used it so much that it hardly was believable anymore. It was difficult to deny him when he deserved a little treat for everything he's done. Finally, I pursed my lips and shrugged.

"Oh, why not?" His face radiated with joy, only adding on to the guilt I felt. He was so happy and appreciative of me, while I could barely look him in the eyes nowadays. I forced a smile and allowed him to take my hand and lead me to the bedroom. As bad as it sounded, I was hoping and praying that some sort of event would prevent us from initiating anything. Maybe Sammy would come home early.