And It Burns, But It Turns Out Golden

~Chapter Four~

'Life goes on.' These were the words I was told by a very wise mother of mine. She told me so many things about life that I'd yet to reach. I'd always told myself whatever happens I'll always follow them words. But I guess it's easier said than done isn't it? It always is. How was I supposed to move on from the most amazing guy that's made my life living since day one? Some of these 'amazing' quotations are really hard to follow.

"Oh yeah." Nathan said, waking me up from my daydream. "Caitlin said she wanted to meet you properly, like you and her go around town together and stuff."

"Huh?" I said, sitting up and turning round to face Nathan, seconds later realising what he said. "Oh, yeah, erm, sure. Sounds good."

I seriously didn't know what I was feeling right now, I didn't know either to think 'Yay, she might actually be really nice' or 'What if we don't get on? What if she hates me!' Positive thoughts Cassie, positive thoughts. Maybe she was actually and absolutely lovely girl and I was just making a mountain out of a mole hill, it seems I did that a lot. Nathan wouldn't of gone with her if she was absolutely horrible. Gosh! I can be so stupid at times!

"So when was she planning to go to town?" I asked. "Since I've got some college work to sort out and that." 

"Tomorrow I think..." Nathan smiled.

"That sounds alright to me." I said, pretending to think about what I was doing tomorrow, I already knew I wasn't but you know, I like to sound busy.

Just as I slowly looked up at Nathan a quickly caught eye contact with him. I felt myself looking into his soft brown eyes, oh no, not this again. I froze, trying my best to resist his perfect looking face. 'Look away, look away.' I thought myself. My neck felt as if it was locked, I didn't really want to move it. 'Code red! Code red!' I felt little alarms flash in my head. I bit my lip. Why was he so gorgeous? Why couldn't he be mine? It's not fair....

"What's up with you?" Nathan asked. "You look like you want to say something...."

"I love you." Hahahaha, no. Looks like I've just got to keep up my usual act of telling him lies.

"It's nothing, I'm just stressed about college and stuff." I lied.

"Are you okay about me and Caitlin?" Nathan asked, cocking his head to the side, still looking me in the eye.

"No, no I'm not Nathan. I love you, I love you with all of my heart and it's broke my heart how you haven't realised that I love you. No matter how hard I try and give you hints towards it you don't get it. Well you wouldn't you're a boy.  You don't get anything. Oh yeah, I feel like dirt compared to your model girlfriend. I don't want to sound like some obsessed freak over you, but I can't help falling in love with you can I?" Yeah, I wish I would of had the strength to say that.

"Yeah fine, really happy." I lied, I hated lying. "You deserve a nice girl."

I flashed a fake smile and looked away from Nathan, because if I looked into his eyes for any longer the truth would come out, and that could never happen.

"Cassie..." Nathan said, resting his hand underneath my cheek, lifting my head up slightly so I was looking back into his eyes. "If..."

"You better go." I said before Nathan could finish his sentence. "I've got to get ready and stuff."

"Oh, okay then." Nathan sighed, 

I stood up and ran my hand through my hair nervously, I needed to cry, but I couldn't cry in front of Nathan seens as this was all about him.

"I'll see you soon then?" Nathan asked, as I was rushing him out of the house.

"Y-yeah s-sure." I said, the tears starting to form ."Bye."

"I'm not even going to get a h-." Nathan was about to say, but I'd already shut the door on him, I locked it. I didn't need anyone walking in on me.

I walked over to the living room and collapsed on the sofa, crying. Just crying, there was nothing else I could do really except cry and cry and cry. Why wasn't I perfect? Why wasn't I pretty like all them other girls? Why couldn't I be skinny with amazing legs like all them other girls? Why didn't Nathan love me? That's all I ever wanted.