Jumoke

7: Bad news

This chapter is also dedicated to Paul.
The picture above is what I imagined Paul to look like, which is exactly what my brother Paul looks like 😂😂😂.

Jumoke

BRIGHT LIGHTS HIT my face, forcing me to shut my eyes tight; slowly, I pried them open until they adjusted to the overhead lights and my new environment. I was alone in this big, strange room, the warm blue shade of the wall was a contrast to my cream coloured home. On my body was a monochrome outfit that swallowed me; my baby bump was considerably smaller and like a hurricane, the events of the last few hours came crashing down on me. Without thinking, I pressed down on the button close to the bed, finally calming down when a nurse rushed in.

"You are awake."

No, I'm meditating.

"I will get the doctor," she whispered when I continued giving her looks that screamed dumbass.

Shortly after, the door opened and a man in his middle fifties walked in, he was garbed in a navy-blue shirt that was tucked into black trousers. He offered me a warm smile which melted the knots that had begun to form in my belly, allowing me to slightly relax.

The door opened again but this time, it was Kunle, he was still dressed in the same attire as he was before; white round neck polo, grey joggers with black flip flops. His eyes had bags underneath them and his shirt was rumpled with a crimson stain in the chest area, the realization that he had spent the night here warmed my heart, causing my insides to tingle.

As if it just clicked, I asked, "where's my baby? Can I see her?"

The doctor smiled, "you don't feel so well now, we will bring her later in the evening."

"That's perfect," his reply dissolved all my previous feelings of fear, leaving me giddy with excitement.

Kunle pulled the single chair closer to the bed, his breath fanning my face as he lowered himself unto the seat.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine but I will feel much better when I get to hold my baby," he replied to my statement with a smile. "I have decided to name her Jadesola."

Emeka wasn't here, just like he wasn't present for my other deliveries but this time, I was ready to do things my own way and I intended to start by giving her the name of my choosing. My breasts were fuller and my nipples tingled, they were ready to welcome the tiny lips of Jade. Unlike some mothers, it took less than three days for me to start producing milk and my whole body thrummed in anticipation, I was ready for that mother-daughter bonding moment.

"Jadesola - come out in wealth, it's a beautiful name." His eyes closed at that moment and his lips thinned into a grim line. His aloofness bothered me but nothing could quell my excitement at this point, in a bid to keep the awkwardness out, I changed the subject. 

"What are you still doing here? Don't you have a wife and child to take care of?" I teased. He had never said anything about a family.

His face lighted up in a smile and his eyelids parted open to reveal eyes twinkling with happiness, the kind that wasn't present in any of our dates.

"They know I'm here. My wife agreed that I could stay here as long as you needed me till your husband returned. She is a lady too." He joked.

My heartbeat paused, my eyes quickly darted to his hands; it was free of any jewellery and was missing the line that came from wearing rings for a long time.

"You don't have a ring?" I managed to ask when I finally regained my composure but it sounded more like an accusation.

"I'm not a fan of rings. My wife has complained about it so many times but I just can't stick to it. You should meet her, the two of you will get along fine." His face retained that look of contentment that he had on since he started speaking about his wife and for some reason, I wanted to hurt her.

It was the truth, the only form of jewellery Kunle would willing put on was a wristwatch, the leather strap type, it was almost as if he was allergic to jewels. The sound of my heart as it shattered into a million pieces at this sudden realization was the only thing I heard, then playback of our activities since we started seeing each other again. 

Was it out of pity?

The numerous phone calls, hangouts, hugs, his reappearance when I needed a ride to the hospital. It was all so confusing but still, there had been that thread of doubt I shoved to the back of my mind. There had been signs all along, signs that I refused to question, afraid to burst the vesicle of happy ever after I had slowly begun to weave, alas, they were clear now - the back and forth texts when we were together, the stolen glances at his phone, the reluctance and limitation of body contacts.

"Get out."

His expression of shock mirrored mine, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Never would I have thought I would be saying those words to Kunle, the guy I was already envisaging a future with. 

"Get out." I repeated, my voice coming out stronger than before. He still looked shocked but left the room.

**********

The door pushed open and Dr. Luscious, the doctor who attended to me earlier in the morning strolled in. He wore a glum look, one that spoke of broken promises and my heart began to thump; I wondered now if I did the right thing by chasing Kunle out because now I needed his presence to calm my racing heart.

"Where's my baby?" I asked immediately he finished his check-up. I wanted to leave this place, go back to somewhere familiar where the air was filled with love rather than the feeling of misery that lingered here.

"Mrs. Nwobodo." He started slowly, "We tried all we could but she couldn't make it. I'm sorry."

Speechless. His words left me speechless, knocking the breath out of me.

"You. You killed my baby, you told me she was fine, that I would see her. You killed my baby." My voice rose with each word, tears blinding my vision as I struggled to lift myself up from the bed in an attempt to claw his eyes out.

Kunle chose that moment to make an entrance, his hands stilled on the doorknob, eyes darting left and right as if accessing the situation before taking on a knowing glint. Hesitantly, he walked towards me, grabbing my hands gently from the petrified doctor, his lips moved but I heard nothing.

"Kunle. He killed my baby. He killed my baby." I let him rub circles on my palm, pretending he didn't have a family somewhere, that we were just a normal couple grieving the loss of our beloved. Gradually, my cries reduced to hiccups, my body vibrating until his words began to make sense.

"They didn't kill her. It was a stillbirth," Kunle explained, sometime in between my breakdown, the doctor had taken his leave.

Stillbirth. Stillbirth. Stillbirth. Stillbirth.

Those words kept playing in my head like a broken record until the creaking of the fan slowly faded to the background, alongside Kunle's voice. I felt, rather than saw him raise my hand which I let fall limply by my side, I didn't want to exist anymore.

The next few minutes felt like I was watching a movie of myself that I wasn't allowed to partake in, I could hear the additional voices that had now joined Kunle's but my sense of touch, the ability to feel had died the moment I heard the doctor's words.

Drowning in a pool of misery, I tried and failed to keep from falling deeper into that pit where little fingers were pulling me to. The thought of my children and the future I had planned for myself now seemed insignificant, not worth living for. I watched on helplessly as an oxygen mask was placed on my face, a tear which Kunle hurriedly wiped sliding down his cheek.

The doctor must have been scared of the look in my eyes, eyes that I was certain could see deep into my empty soul. Next thing was a prickle that made me drowsy and with open arms, I drifted off to an abyss where there was no pain, only the cries of a baby.

A baby I never met.