Randomness, Poems, Drawings, Ranting And FANGIRLING!

Rant 1

Anyone ever feel that stupid pain in your heart. When you have a best friend. And she tells you that no matter what we'll stay best friends. Then you guys go on the social media and she has these other best friends that she doesn't really know in real life. Yet as you see this you remind yourself 'it's ok she said that I'm her only best friend'. Yet that stupid pain in your heart makes you think something else. Then, you think that when you guys grow up and stop hanging out as much because your so busy that she's gonna leave you. That's me. It hurts so damn much. Thinking about that after seeing her so happy. Because she's never been as happy around me. Or around our other best friend. (There are 3 best friends) Yet I'm just so happy that she's happy. She always talks about suicide and that she doesn't belong here and that this world is hell. And no matter how many times we tell her it seems that we can't change her mind. I feel that I'm becoming so mean. Sometimes I just want her to say all the things she really likes about me. She gets mad easily. That's why I have to be careful. I know that now because after a stupid word I said I almost lost her. She's the only person that I think understands me and my family problems. My other best friend understands me as well but I'm not gonna explain our family issues. Anyway I think I'm just too possessive. Someday I think she'll be gone. But what pain is this. It's so annoying! But as I said it makes me happy knowing she's happy. And not thinking about death and tragedy all the time. Why should I be feeling this way. You can be friends with anyone you want right? So why do I have to be so damn selfish? Sometimes I wish I could be just like her. She's so talented. She draws perfectly. She sings better than me. She writes beautiful stories. Fanfiction or not. Her poems are flawless. She works so hard. And yet she wants to be best friends with me. Sure I'm loyal but I can't do anything right. I'm very very very lazy. I can't draw. I can't write a simple story or even a paragraph. My poems suck. The only thing I'm good at I'd being with children. And I'm not even good at that! So why? I just don't understand. Anyway that's all for my ranting on this. I can't write enough. I can talk it out but only to myself. When she's there I just don't feel sad. Anyway until next time.