More Tittbits!

Mom, Dad, I'm Virtually Pregnant!

Can you just imagine sex education in 2050? Will they be able to send sperm on the information highway by then? Could you get pregnant at the speed of light? Will a robotic voice state to the FAkeBook user: “Please, insert your ova here!” More to the point, will people have joint FAkeBook accounts? People could go live in cupboards, because no real liferequired anymore, everything electronic and basta! I can remember the old meaning of virtual, which is: “Almost there, but not quite!” or “Close, but no cigar!” When mothers would ask their daughters: “When are you going to make me a grandmother?” and the little filly would answer: “I’m virtually pregnant as we speak, Mum! All I need is a member of the opposite sex, with or without a man attached to it and Bob can finally become an uncle!”

In a little while a girl will present her beau to her parents on the internet, because, let’s face it, he’s not really much to look at in real life. She’s spruced him up a bit, using Photoshop! But no moving into a virtual flat with him, till you’re 18, young lady! Where did she meet him? Why, on her internet prom! An interesting thought just popped into my mind! Will inter-platform marriages be frowned upon and will they be legally binding? Would there be a lot of discrimination against the offspring of these intrepid crossers of the internet-line? What? Oh, you don’t know what I’m on about. I mean, if a FAkeBook user were to become romantically involved with a Twatter, would one of them have to convert? Are the two REALLY compatible? One would have to ask a cyber priest about this kettle of fish.

What about the cyber churches? Can believers in Macs still be considered fully human? Should they be cast out from the nano-garden-of-Eden for byting that forbidden Apple? Was IBM really the missing link? These are all serious existential questions, which should be addressed forthwith! How about driving, hey? Whoaw, there might be cyber-bums in the future, who used to drive a Firefox, but are now sadly reduced to driving some horrid hybrid… How the mighty have fallen. They’re hanging out under one of the bridges of the information freeway, you know! The poor sods are always getting high on pixels, tsk, tsk! If you want the Al Gorey details, you’ll have to check it on the Beijing Electronic Post.

After the first World SPAM War, things haven’t been the same, now have they. Governments everywhere started bombarding all and sundry with messages to empty our cyber bins on Tuesdays instead of on Mondays. That was the beginning of the end for them! We had to vote for that e-bill to instate Mr. Zuckermountain as president of the World Internet Government. Real life crime rates became non-existent after we had all been chipped. Did you hear how Bob had his online privileges revoked by the Cyber police. What a bummer , that’s like being virtually dead, Dude! Right, I’m off to check out my new bionic joystick. I’d tell you all about it, but that’s like PG-13 rated. Toodlenet, gang!