H&M

Chapter 13

"And it's hard; The days just seem so dark. The moon and the stars are nothing without you."

Harry • • •

I laid in my large bed, thinking about Maya. I was immensely grateful to have one of the few single dorms on campus.

What exactly did I want from her? I knew my feelings for her were more than physical attraction, but did it start out that way? When I saw her on the elevator did she look like someone I could fuck and forget or someone I could learn to cherish? Why did I drop the card during suck and blow: Was it because I wanted to test our chemistry or was I just a horny jerk?

What did she want from me? I was sure she heard the rumors and saw the red flags, yet there she was. Why? Why didn't she run away the night I kissed her? Why didn't she run away after finding out I dated her roommate?

I needed her to ease my mind and my selfish insecurities. I glanced at my phone, it was a quarter past midnight.

I need you.. I typed before deleting it. I sounded weak and clingy.

"Meet me at the fountain in 15?" I sent. I slipped on grey sweatpants over my boxers and an Arctic Monkeys tee.

"Okay." She replied

It was so simple, no questions asked. Maybe she could sense my desperation through text. I walked out to the hallway, locking the door behind me. After an awkward elevator ride with a sobbing girl, I made it to the first floor and out into the warm night. The walk to the fountain was one of many questions.

I made it to the fountain in record time, evidently overthinking makes one speed walk. I stare at the coins that sunk to the bottom of the fountain. Each coin represented a wish; Each wish represented a gullible fucker. I never believed in wishes.

"Hey." Maya's normally uplifting voice was weak and fragile.

"What's wrong?" I asked walking towards her.

"Nothing, I'm fine." She forced a smile.

She sounded unsure of her own words.

"Maya, please." I begged her.

She pondered for a few moments, "Can we speak privately?"

Selfish relief washed over me.

"Of course." I paused taking her hand. It was a lame gesture but she reciprocated anyway. "We can talk in my dorm, if you'd like."

She nodded slowly.

We walked to my room hand-in-hand in comfortable silence.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked as we stepped into my dorm.

"Do you have any soda?"

"Sure. You can sit down over there." I awkwardly pointed to the couch. This was the first time I'd ever had a girl in my living space since high school.

I quickly retrieved a Sprite from the fridge before making my way next to Maya on the couch.

I sat next to her, she instinctively threw her legs over my knees and relaxed. It was a small gesture, but a very meaningful one. It made me feel trusted.

I tried my best to not give away how worried I was. I knew I probably ran my fingers through my hair a million times since we'd walked through the front door, I wish I could hide my nervous ticks better.

She seemed far away.

"Baby." I began softly. I wanted her attention but I didn't want to scare her. "What's bothering you?"

She looked at the floor, was it really that bad? I rubbed her knees to reassure her.

"A few weeks before I came here," she cleared her throat. "My older brother, Micah, was killed. Killed by a cop, of all people."

My heart collided with the cheap wooden flooring.

"I'm so sorry." Was all I could think to say. I wish I could think of something better.

"It's not your fault, don't apologize." She took my hand before continuing. "I usually do a great job of suppressing my emotions but the trial against the officer began today and it's just been a really tough few hours. The things they're saying about Micah, you'd think he's the murderer."

I wiped her tears with my thumbs, seeing them brought a deep pain within my chest.

"And the officers pleading self defense, how crazy is that? Micah was shot from the back, I just don't understand." The tears raced down her cheeks. She adjusted herself so that she sat fully on my lap, I wrapped my arms around her waist as she put her forehead against mine.

"The truth will reveal itself. Somehow, someway, it will." I whispered to her as if it were a secret to be kept.

"Sometimes I just feel like giving up." She whispered back. The tears continued to race down her cheeks. It was a beautiful yet painful sight; something to marvel at. I'd never seen such raw emotion and truth from Maya; I'd rather this than fake content.

"Don't ever give up." I said. She closed her eyes for a long moment before pulling her head from mine. "You hear me?"

"I have no one left." She cried, hitting my chest with each word. Tears stung my eyes too, I attempted to suppress them. "I'm alone. My parents are gone, my brothers gone. I have no one, Harry. Don't you get it?"

I held her head in both my hands, again putting her forehead against mine. We were both crying, I shamelessly let the tears invade my cheeks. I searched her eyes before speaking. "You have me. I may not be much but you have me. I know I can't replace your parents or brother, but I will always be there for you. I swear it."

She put her face in my neck, I felt her tears seep through my shirt. "I'm sorry. This is so much to dump on you." She whispered.

Her simple words raised goosebumps onto my skin. I wished I could take all her pain away.

"Don't apologize." I rubbed her thigh.

I stared at the can of Sprite that sat on the coffee table, untouched.

She wiped my tears away before kissing my left temple. "Thank you." She whispered.

"Your touch, your skin. Where do I begin? No words can explain the way I'm missing you." - Sam Smith (Lay me down)