Endings

1

    Amina was sitting right across from me inarguably trying to avoid any form of eye contact which happens to be one of the social protocols when it comes to awkward blind dates. However, she does have impeccable taste when it comes to picking restaurants that I find absolutely mundane. We went to this restaurant called "Rice Bowl" which was fine but I could have honestly settled for pizza and ice cream especially when I've been craving that for a while now but I guess I'd have to settle for Rice Bowl for another gruesome 2 hours.
    An hour into the date and we hadn't even learnt anything about each other. I doubt she even knew what my name was (it's Ali by the way). We just sat there eating our food, sipping our drinks, acting as awkward as ever not knowing what to say or do with ourselves. Finally I broke the silence with a joke that would have killed with my buddies back in school but with her she just let out this forced chuckle. Forced because she waited 2 minutes after I had told the joke to laugh. I excused myself from the table and darted straight for the toilet to pop a pill failing to remember that I was trying to lay off of drugs. Pills were always my kryptonite, I could always rely on a pill to relieve me of my discomfort and insane anxiety but nowadays all I could do to barely function was swallow a pill or two a day. I'm a borderline addict and going on this blind date was meant to be a distractive mechanism but sadly all I could think about on the date was that magical pill. I spent a good 10 minutes contemplating what to do and then I finally mustered up the courage to flush the pill down the toilet which wasn't the easiest thing to do.
    The date was finally over and I paid the bill and walked Amina to her uber. I went in for a hug and she stuck her hand out for a handshake and then had the audacity to say "thanks for the meal, Ben" and I just looked at her hand and walked away, insolent swine. That had to be one of the worst dates in blind date history. Ben? Of all the names she could have thought of she decided to call me Ben? I have honestly lost all hope for Abuja girls. God please give me the strength to live life without having to count on pills and horrible blind dates, Amen.
    
* * *
I came back home only to find everyone in turmoil.
"Ali how long have you been using?"
"Ali why didn't you tell us that you had a drug problem?"
"Why did Jamila find non-prescription pills hidden under your bed??"

My mum, dad and sister kept questioning me failing to realize that I was having a panic attack. They probably couldn't here me heaving because of how obnoxiously loud they were being. Dad was yelling at the top of his voice, mum was weeping like a deranged psychopath and my sister just had this vague look on her acneridden face.

    I woke up in the ER at Nizamye Hospital with my mum sitting at the edge of my hospital bed holding her Qur'an furiously praying for God to forgive me or probably for world peace, she was a religiously aware female activist so it could have been either one of the two.

"Mum why am I here" I said

She walked up to me slowly and placed her hand on my face, I could tell that she had been crying for hours because her eyes were puffy and red.

"You can't remember Ali? You don't remember a thing?" She muttered

I didn't know where she was taking all this , by keeping me out of the know I felt like some distant relative she'd been trying to avoid.

"Mother, talk to me please"

"You came into the house and we could all tell that you had been using again.."

Using what I thought to myself

"..jamila pulled out your pills from the pocket of her abaya (an abaya is a modest female dress that's meant to cover up a Muslim females body) and then you just lost it Ali. You pushed past me and your dad and slapped Jamila across the face and just started yelling all sorts of rubbish at her..I have..I have never seen you like that before. You ran into the toilet despite how many times we all called you and assured you that you were in a safe place, you just blatantly ignored us. You then decided to swallow a hand full of the pills because the doctors did say they found a lot in your system and then you passed out"

I was in total shock. Yes I was used to having momentary memory lapses but I had never acted in such a violent manner. All I could think about in that moment were, Jamila probably thinks im a monster and is scared of me now and that my parents are just so disappointed in who I have become. I wasn't able to process all that was happening..my heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I needed to go out for some fresh air but little did I know that my arms and legs were restricted making me incapable of any movement. I turned to my mum with a look on my face that just screamed "wtf!!!" and all she did was sit beside me and stroked my hair.

The doctor came into the room and then shortly my dad and sister followed. Jamila couldn't even look me in the eye, I felt like such a terrible person. The doctor seemed like one of those doctors who was too cocky to even be in his line of profession. He held a clipboard and pen with such confidence that it was just ridiculous.

"Mr and Mrs Bukhar you shouldn't be worried, your son is going to be just fine. Regarding his drug misuse problem I'll recommend enrolling him in a rehabilitation program. They'll take good care of him I assure you of that but before that I'd like you to know..." And all of a sudden his facial expression changed.

"...We found a brain tumor in your sons cerebral cortex when we did the MRI(magnetic resonance imaging) Scan and I'm afraid to say that we think it's cancerous. We'd have to start chemotherapy as soon as possible for him to have any chances of remission especially now that we've caught it in the early stages. I'm sorry you have to go through all this in one day Ali but it'll all be fine I promise"

I have cancer.
My life is over.
I'm going to die.
I have cancer.

I guess I have a new mantra for life now.