» INTO YOU ( chris evans. ) ✓

[12]

tw;
mentions of death, depression and suicide
if any of those things trigger you you probably shouldn't read this

chris:
adelaide
i know that this is really out of the blue but lottie talked to me and i'm ready to talk this out
you don't have to tell me everything right now i understand if you're not ready to do that yet but if you do decide to tell me one day i'll be here to listen
i'm so sorry for not talking to you but i was so angry at you and myself and i was hurting so badly
you're way too important to me i can't lose you

i'll tell you chris
i'm ready to tell you

chris:
are you sure? you don't have to ifyou don't want to, i didn't even expect you to answer tbh.

yes, i am sure.
okay this could take some time hold on.

i had this grandma and we were really close, i basically told her about everything that happened in my life, i told her things that my parents don't know about til this day. when i was fifteen she died. i couldn't deal with her death at all, i started isolating myself from everyone, i stopped talking to everyone, even my closest friends. it got worse every day and eventually my parents got me a therapist. i went to see her regularly but it didn't make me feel better at all. so we changed the therapist. and then again. and again. and again. that made me feel even worse because i started thinking that i'd have to feel like that forever. i started thinking that this sadness, this loneliness and this emptiness would be the only things i'd be able to feel for the rest of my life. i got to the point where i just so desperately wanted to die. i thought that no one would miss me, i thought that everyone would be so much happier without me. but then i found a therapist that i actually liked. she was the first person in ages that i felt like actually understood me. and things started to finally get better. about half a year after i had started seeing her i met this guy. he was nice and funny, good looking and he was an actor. we started dating and i fell in love. or at least that's what i thought. he was my first ever real boyfriend and after a few months of dating i decided to tell him about my past and that i was still seeing my therapist regularly. i thought that he'd be supportive but he wasn't. at all. he told me some things that weren't really that pretty and broke up with me. i was in a really bad place after that and i felt like i wouldn't be able to get through all of this again. one night i drank a bit too much alcohol and took a bit too many pills. eventually my mum found me and i was rushed to the hospital. i nearly died on a overdose that day. my parents blame that guy for everything that happened which is kind of correct but they also think that all actors are like him. when i told them that i wanted to work in the film industry they nearly kicked me out. they already hate me for doing what i'm doing and for being friends with you and all the others. but if we started dating and they found out i'd completely lose them. and i wouldn't be able to hande that.

chris:
oh my god adelaide
i'm so sorry for being such an asshole

it's okay you didn't know i don't blame you

chris:
why didn't you tell me earlier? i would've understood why you acted that way. god, i feel so bad for making you feel this way.

i feel bad too, chris. if i had told you earlier none of this would've had happened. but i didn't. i guess i was just too scared of your reaction. of losing you too. i'm so sorry.

chris:
i'm the on who's sorry.
so, are we good? is everything okay again?

yes, it is.
i have one question tho.

chris:
you have no idea how relieved i am
of course, go ahead.

what are we?

chris:
we can be anything that you want us to be, doll.

i want nothing more than for you to be my boyfriend. i just wish it would be that easy. i missed you so much and that made me realised how much you actually mean to me.

chris:
i missed you too
and i think i have an idea.

[12.09.16]