Kahi Ankahi

Chapter 43

November 29

Qirat... pata hai? I miss you. Pata nahi tumhari yaad kyun aarahi hai. I mean it was me who left you. Why do I miss you now? I have no idea why am I writing this as if you're reading it but I just have to let my feelings out. Pyaar hum dono ek dusray say nahi kartay phir bhi aisa lagta hai kay jaisay mainay tumhay bohat dukh diya. Abhi mujhay ghar chhorkay bas 9 din hi huay hain aur Maya say shaadi karnay ka faisla bhi ghalat sa lagraha hai. Ab yeh bhi samajh nahi aaraha kay uss say shaadi karnay ka faisla ghalat hai ya ghar chhornay ka... Khair, mainay aur Maya nay court marriage ka faisla kiya hai. Ek baar hum shaadi karlein, phir saath ghar waapis aaengay aur main tumsay, ammi, abba, maamu jaan, maami jaan, Shehry, sabsay maafi maang loonga.

I opened the next one.

December 1

Qirat, main chah kar bhi tumharay baaray mein sochna band nahi kar paa raha hoon. Mujhay samajh nahi aaraha hai main kya karoon. Mujhay tumsay baat karni hai... magar pata nahi tumhay call karnay ki himmat nahi hai. Ho bhi kaisay, mangni todhi hai mainay humaari. Pata hai? Maya kehti hai kay sab theek hojaega aur chunkay tum bhi mujhsay mohabbat nahi karti, iss rishtay kay tootnay ka tumhay koi farq nahi parha hoga. Magar pata nahi kyun dil nahi maanta. Aisa lagta hai jaisay kay tumhay iss rishtay kay tootnay say bohat farq parha hoga. Nahi toh tum uss din roti nahi. Main nahi jaanta kay uss din meray jaanay ka sunkay tumhari aankhein namm kyun hui magar main bas yeh jaanta hoon kay meri wajah say tumhari aankhon mein aansoon aaye. Pata nahi main itna bayhiss kaisay hogaya tha kay tumhari aankhon mein aansoon dekhnay kay bawajood wahan say chala gaya tha. Ghussa aata hai khud pay.

I checked the time. It was almost ten thirty and there were 15 more notes to read. I decided to read them all. I opened the next one.

December 4

I find myself staring at your pictures, Qirat. Creepy na? Even when I'm with Maya, I'm not with her. I've never felt like this before. Pichlay kuch dinon mein mujhay do ghaltion ka ehsaas hua. Ek, mujhay ghar nahi chhorna chahiye tha aur do, main Maya kay baaray mein ghalat tha. Mujhay ussay mohabbat nahi hai. I feel like an idiot as I write this but I thought I loved her when I just liked her. Kyun kay agar mujhay ussay pyaar hota toh main ussay baat kartay huay tumhaaray baaray mein nahi sochta, haina? Pata nahi ek ajeeb si feeling hai. Kabhi kabhi dil chahta hai kay humaari mangni ka din wapis aajaye aur main koi himaaqat na karoon. Sab sahi say hojaaye. Main aaj aisay hi soch raha tha toh meray dimaagh mein yeh baat aayi kay kisi say shaadi karnay kay liye unsay pyaar karna bilkul zaroori nahi hota hai toh shayad, balkay mujhay yaqeen hai, agar humaari shaadi hojaati toh hum kaafi achi zindagi guzaartay. waisay shukar hai tum yeh sab parh nahi rahi ho nahi toh mujhay poora paagal samajhti.

December 6

Main ghalat tha.

I frowned as that is all this one said. I opened the next one and continued reading. They were like a diary. He had written everything he did everyday. Reading all that made me feel like he was talking to me. In almost every note, he had written 'I miss you, Qirat'. I had no idea this guy was so jazbaati.

January 13

I came back today... on your birthday. Tumhay aaj dekh kay ek baat ka toh yaqeen hogaya - tum mujhsay bohat naaraaz ho. Aur abba bhi. Meri taraf dekhna tak gawaara nahi kiya aap dono nay. Khair iss yaqeen kay saath ek aur baat ka yaqeen hogaya - aap dono ko mana loonga main in sha Allah.

Jahanzeb nay mujhay tum say milwa toh diya magar aaj ka din meri zindagi ka sabsay bura din tha. Main tumhay kabhi rotay huay dekhna chahta tha, Qirat. Main hamesha tumhay khush, hansta, muskuraata dekhna chahta hoon. Aur yeh jaan'nay kay baad kay tumharay aansoo'on ki wajah main hoon, nafraf horahi hai khud say. Main yeh kabhi nahi chahta tha.