Losers Never Win

Chapter 10

Later that week on Friday night, Serena crept up the hall stairway to the top floor. It was time for light’s out in her group home, which meant she could ‘get away’ for a while. She gently opened the door and tip toed on to the roof. Serena made her way to her usual spot behind the air conditioning vent when she stopped dead in her tracks.

            Cain sat on the ground before her smoking a cigarette. He moved his eyes in her direction, noticing her shift her hands behind her back. Serena didn’t want him to see the bag of heroin she clung tightly too.

            “Cain…? ” Serena spoke nervously, surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?” She wondered.

            “Nothin’,” he replied. “I came out here for the same reasons you did,” Serena looked at him slightly confused. “I had to get out that building, wanted some air.” He took a drag from his cigarette and flicked the remainder of it on the cement tile. Serena slipped the bag of heroin in her pocket and took a seat next to Cain. Over the past few days she has grown quite fond of him, and enjoys being in his presence.

            “I know what you mean,” she added, wrapping her arms around her knees. “But I like this place better than my last one.”

            Cain turned his gaze to her. “How come?”

            “Because… I didn’t really get along with some of the girls there,” she said, making light of the real situation.

            “I had that same problem at every home I’ve been too,” Cain stated. “Doesn’t matter where you go, there’s always gonna be that one person who pushes yo buttons.”

             “I guess,” Serena agreed. “My only problem here, is that their so strict.” She rubbed her nose and thought about all the rules her group home had. “The classes they force us to go too has to be the worst part.”

            Cain sat quietly listening to Serena talk. She spoke on how much she disliked the drug classes and the drug tests. She told him how the head of her house was so hard on them. As she talked though, Cain remembered when he saw her while she was high. That picture of her shivering on the ground was etched into his memory.

            “Why do you do it?” He asked, cutting her off.

            Serena stopped talking in mid sentence. She knew what he meant, but decided to play dumb. “Huh? Do what?”

            “Why do you smoke heroin?” Cain repeated. “You never answered me the last time I asked you.”

            For a good minute Serena didn’t say a word. Part of her wanted to tell him, but her shy side fought to resist. “I…I, stopped,” She lied. “I stopped using it.”

            Cain sighed deeply; there was no way he would be fooled by that. “Then what’s in yo pocket?” he asked, rubbing his hands together.

            Serena stood up with a scowl on her face. “Look I told you I don’t do it anymore!” she exclaimed, getting defensive.

            Cain lowered his head in disappoint. “Like I said before . . . you don’t have to lie to me,” he informed her. “I mean look at me. Who am I to judge what you do?”

            Serena lowered her emotional guard. The way in which Cain talked to her was relaxing and calm. His words were genuine, and he had been more concerned about her that anyone has ever been.

            “I’ve seen what that stuff can do somebody… My uncle died because of an overdose,” Cain said. “And I don’t wanna see that happen to you.” He raised his head and glared at Serena. His eyes weren’t as hard as they usually were. They seemed broken, like whatever suffering he’d held inside bled through.

            Serena couldn’t take anymore and had to turn her head from him. Her lips quivered as she desperately tried to conceal tears. “Why do I do it?” she said, repeating Cain’s question. “Mrs. Kerry, the lady at the addiction class asks me that all the time. She says she knows what I’ve been through, and understands. But she doesn’t.”

            Cain slowly got on his feet and walked closer to Serena. “That’s what they all say,” he added, a sad half smile on his face. “But how can they? If they never went through it. If they never relived it in constant nightmares and daydreams. If they never…”

            “… Felt his touch,” Serena interrupted. Her eyes faced the floor as her hellish past bared its ugly face. “Your right.” She stepped closer to Cain, their bodies mere inches from each other’s. “How can they understand, when they never tasted his hot breathe, and had his hands glide up your thighs… ”

            Cain’s heart started to beat faster upon hearing Serena talk. He reminisced on the agony that stained his heart, awakening his inner rage. “What about blood running down your back, from the metal end of a belt hittin’ you repeatedly. Or the sound of her screams, when he chose to pick on someone else.”

            The two began speaking different memories and feelings of what they’ve experienced. Serena went on and on about the molestation, which her foster father cast upon her daily. Cain continued to rant about his childhood beatings that were so gruesome the wounds and bruises remained etched on his body.

            Serena’s voice grew louder as she cried to Cain about the time her former social worker coerced her into sexual intercourse. Cain’s teeth clenched when he confessed how he wept all night long, after his mother was sentenced to twenty-five years in prison for killing his father in self-defense. The two were blinded by past sorrows, almost losing track of reality, but remember whom they stood in front of.

            Serena raised her head and stared directly in Cain’s blazing red eyes. He had not cried, but the expression on his face told her he longed too. Cain sniffled a little as he resumed eye contact with Serena. He watched tears glide down the side of her cheeks, dripping off her jaw.

            That same beauty Cain witnessed earlier that week when Serena smiled, he saw right before him. “You know…” Serena stated, speaking softly. “That’s why I do it.” She covered her mouth and sobbed quietly. “I want it to go away. I want all of it to go away, forever.”

            “Makes sense,” Cain said, he paused and looked at the dark sky filled with dull stars. “But is it really worth your life?”

            Serena didn’t respond. She kept her gaze on the ground. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted.

            Cain shook his head at her answer. “No… it aint,” he peacefully told her. Cain opened his hand and extended it to her.

            Without wanting to comply, Serena felt her body move on it’s own. She dug in her pocket and dropped the bag of heroin in Cain’s hand. Cain nodded at her, taking a step back. He turned around and launched the drugs off the roof and onto the street somewhere.

            Serena knew she just lost her chance to ‘get away’, but she didn’t care. For the first time ever, she felt like she didn’t need to get high. She watched as Cain started walking back to her and met him half way. She took a seat back on the floor and sat next to him, snuggling closely.